


the taste of Love

by special_girl



Category: INFINITE (Band)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:21:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21634336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/special_girl/pseuds/special_girl
Summary: SungYeol is a synaesthete. He can taste words and sounds.
Relationships: Kim Myungsoo | L/Lee Sungyeol, Kim Sunggyu/Nam Woohyun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. the first taste

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a minor dissertation on multimodal speech perception and while doing research I learned about synaesthesia. It's basically about being able to taste spoken words or to see printed words in different colours; there are many types of synaesthesia and what I make SungYeol experience here is not 100% accurate (I don't think people can taste non-speech sounds but here, he is able to do so). 
> 
> please enjoy myungyeol romance :) 
> 
> Let's learn what love tastes like!!! 

The world is so full of colours and different tastes.

_People_ are of different colours and different tastes.

Words and sounds please not only my ears but also my palate. What a mixed blessing. 

I’ve always been healthy and thought that people are equal, that we perceive the world in the same way and that everybody can feel what I feel…

I found out that I was different at quite a young age.

My mother was concerned of me because of (as she thought) my imagination... but it wasn’t my imagination, it was my actual perception that was… that _is_ just different from the one of an ordinary person’s.

The words I hear trigger different tastes in my mouth and the people I see are always surrounded with a colourful aura; experiencing all that makes me a synesthete. Synaesthesia is a rare condition, still not fully explored and still mysterious. Scientist claim that it may occur due to excessive neural connections in the brain and, if you ask me, I haven’t developed my own theory yet, I was just born this way.

My unique perception supports my career as a composer, too. When I compose, I don’t simply put different sounds in particular order. I'd rather compare it to ‘preparing a meal’. Yes. The delicate high notes that taste like whipped-cream mixed with occasional low d-mols like flakes of chocolate surrounding the dessert and various different tastes complementing it is all that's required for a perfect record.

It’s not always helpful though. Some words are rotten, bitter and anything but pleasant, for example _sky, distance, obligation_ – there are tons of words I hear that make me cringe. But there are some really pleasant ones, too like _sunshine_ which tastes like pistachio cream, and _misfortune_ which carries the taste of white chocolate; _come here_ tastes like black coffee without sugar which I’m addicted to. Yes, it always makes me smile when people say _SungYeol, come here for a minute_ , even now my mouth unconsciously curves in a smile.

But it's all tiresome and, on top of that, I can’t reveal my state since I don’t want to be perceived as a freak or to be subjected to countless examinations. I know it’s nothing new and that there are many people with synaesthesia but I just feel more comfortable when it all remains undisclosed. 

My friend, SungKyu, has a light blue aura around him for the most of the time except when he’s drunk – then it gets purple – I have no idea - other people I know seem to keep their auras unchanged. Nevertheless, I’m here in one of my favourite cafés in Korea – it’s called the coffeecloud; the paradox is that when I hear somebody say this name I feel metallic taste in my mouth - it’s like a rusty taste which is not necessarily pleasant so whenever we are to meet here we just call it ‘our place’ which tastes like overripe grapes, which is still better than rust.

So yes, SungKyu knows about my condition but we don’t talk about it often. He doesn’t seem to mind, he treats me like a normal person. Well, he just asks me if I’m okay with some words... I guess he just doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable.

A funny thing with SungKyu was that it was his thing to say ‘mate’ to people; he used this word like crazy and yeah, the word tastes like liquorice (which I can’t stand, obviously) and before SungKyu knew about my state he was always puzzled why I seemed to be addicted to chewing gum… Yeah, I had to chew it so that it’d kill the taste. Finally, I managed to reveal my secret to him and, _god_ , it was the best thing I could have done because my life around my best friend improved like hell. For ten years he hasn't spilled my secret so I know I can share everything with him.

“SungYeol”

I heard a familiar voice calling me as soon as a man with narrow eyes entered the café. I waved at him and waited until he reached the table.

“Congratulations on your success mat- man!” SungKyu laughed at the little mistake he was about to make; it's okay I can forgive him, we haven’t seen each other for a whole year as I was working on an album in America.

“Thanks, so how is your new boyfriend? When will I meet him?” I stood up to hug my best friend.

“SungYeol,” SungKyu took off his big, woollen scarf and sat at the chair in front of me, “You’ve just returned to Korea! The songs you produced have been topping the charts for three weeks now, man, let me congratulate you before we move on to my humble self... and my boyfriend.” he smiled making his eyes almost disappear.

“But it’s all thanks to you! If you hadn’t forced me to send my demo then I wouldn’t have made it to where I am now”

“So, should I expect some profits in cash for my little crime?” SungKyu waved at the waiter and I cringed at the unexpected taste of soju in my mouth.

“Oh sorry mat—sorry...” he laughed seeing my slightly disgusted face; not that I don’t like soju - it just caught me by surprise, “...I guess I need to get used to some things all over again”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make you a list of forbidden words soon… two Americanos please” I ordered smiling at the waitress.

“But don’t make the list too long because if my new man sees it, he’ll become suspicious” he giggled. Ah, those sparks in his eyes, I haven’t seen him this way for such a long time.

“Oh right, so what about him? Your new man?”

“He just moved in” he answered sheepishly.

“That’s fantastic news! So, it’s something serious, isn't it? Heeey now I definitely need to meet him”

“I’ll introduce you soon but now… uhm, yeah, do you have a place to sleep, by the way?”

What a friend. Even after all this time, he still remembers that I had to sell almost all my stuff and leave the flat I used to rent to afford my plane ticket to the USA and to have some money on me which would enable me to start a new life there.

“Me? Huh, no...” I stirred the black drink which was just brought to our table, “...actually, I’m going to see some apartments tomorrow but today I’ll just spend the night at a hotel”

“You should stay at my place then” he stated firmly, but how could I…?

“Nah, it’s not only your place anymore” I grinned, “It’s really not a problem, I don’t want to disturb you and your new flatmate…and your soulmate” I added significantly.

“Come on!” he must have felt shy because his eyes avoided my gaze, and the way he smiled, yeah, definitely shy; ah my friend was seriously in love.

“Stop teasing me, I know you are just jealous! haha you should find someone who would warm up your life, too”

“I know, but I don’t want to be a burden to anyone and I don’t want to argue because of how I constantly feel... I think it’d be a challenge for both me and the other person to live together and you know...”

“But look at us, we’ve been doing fine as friends for so many years, right? Nothing’s impossible. I’m positive you’ll find someone one day… think about it, it would be such a waste if you remained single”

Right then his mobile rang and, all happy as if being surrounded by rainbows and buttercups, he picked it up to assure the person on the other end that he misses him too and that he’s going to come back home soon, aha, it was his lover for sure.

I’m happy for him but at the same time it means that I’ll have to walk out of the cosy café into the cold evening to find an empty hotel room to rent for the night. I hate snow, although the word _snow_ tastes like seaweed soup.

“Sorry SungYeol, but you know my honey is waiting,” SungKyu quickly sipped the warm coffee from the paper cup and place it back on the table.

“Don’t be sorry! But it’s a weird feeling to become your number two,” I took my own cup as I stood up to catch up with him, he was in a rush - that was such a funny thing to see.

“Some teleportation skills would be handy, eh?” I laughed.

“Yeah, but you know...” SungKyu lowered his voice to a whisper, “...I left him a bit unable to walk if you know what I mean.” he grinned, “So I promised him to be back soon and take care of him”

I laughed sincerely, “All right, just call me when you have a while” I blinked, obviously giving him a sign that I understand that he's not going to leave his bed for the time being which made him laugh in turn.

“Deal! We can make a small housewarming party for your new apartment... when you find it”

“Sure, in touch then” I raised my hand waiting for him to give me a high five which he did answering:

“Sure _mate!_ ” and he run away laughing that he has just left me with liquorice taste in my mouth; luckily I had the leftover coffee with me but the amount that was left wasn’t enough to kill the taste, besides, the drink was already cold.

I walked into the night, my footsteps making a particular sound under my feet. It was cold but I couldn’t complain as the sound of the snow under my feet tasted like caramel candies, which I could only taste it in the winter (or whenever I ate caramel candies but simply eating them wasn’t that fun.)

Not owning a car, I decided to take the subway to the city centre and find a hotel there. Whenever I’m in such loud, crowded places I need to wear earphones and I don't think I have to explain why.

I headed towards the escalator as soon as I got out of the train; the ear-plugs always bring a relief but on the other hand, believe me, not hearing a thing can be tiring too, especially for a composer.

I quickly walked through the underground passage trying to get to the hotel as soon as possible; it was cold. I decided not to stop by at the crowd of people who were forming a semi-circle (obviously watching some performer who was probably playing some instrument or drawing things.) I didn’t stop partially because I was in a rush, partially because I hated crowds. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the one to criticise such artists, on the contrary, I really appreciate them! Some are really talented and it’s a pity that many of them won’t ever get a chance to succeed.

I turned my head just to catch a glimpse of the performer when somebody bumped into me accidentally and pulled my earphones off my ear in the process.

_“I’m sorry”_

I didn’t hear well enough because the person was already walking away, however the taste of bitter chocolate in my mouth told me that the person apologised.

And then I heard the music - was it played by the street performer? The violin sound was so refined, there was something magical in the music he played, it was very light and sublime, just like the taste of the most rare caviar and champagne. I licked my lips and moved closer to the crowd craning a little to see the artist - it was a young man; his chin supported on the violin, his eyes closed as he made magic with the bow he was holding in his slender hand. I was amazed. And soon I found out that I wasn’t the only one admiring the musician.

He was surrounded mainly by young girls who were squealing and recording him play but he didn’t seem to pay any attention just as if he was used to such situations. And then, out of the blue he stopped. Just like that. His violin packed into the box and he walked away followed by the crazy entourage.

His music made me feel hungry.

Hiding my hands in the pockets, I headed the exit to finally get some rest at the nearest hotel. 


	2. A stranger

Everything was going great. Things at work were fine, my new apartment was on point (and in the highest standard) – I should really thank Sungkyu for pushing me into composing, who knows how my life would look like if I hadn’t taken the chance? Yeah, I will definitely thank him as soon as we see each other.

SungKyu.

An involuntary smile crept on my face.

It’s been four days. Hahahha poor hyung I hope he doesn’t suffer from notorious fatigue after all this.

I brushed my fingers against the ivory polished wood of a piano sitting in my living room. The slick surface felt amazing under my fingertips.

I felt like drinking my favourite wine before I start caressing the black and white keys with my fingers. This evening, I'll be playing just for my own pleasure (because I can always compose in the company).

Playing was still better than getting my mind full of all those awful tastes hitting me from the news on tv or the radio. It may be hard to believe that I lead such a life - cut off from the world - but after hectic days, there’s nothing better than to relax in silence or to listen to soothing music without a fancy taste. 

_Will there ever be a person who would be able to put up with the way I am?_

The low, heavy notes with the taste of a slightly bitter meat of a peach (the part around the pit) reflected my current mood. At one point, when my fingers slipped, I felt moss and cringed. A sip of wine helped me to get rid of the taste.

It was my thoughts about the musician from the underground that made me slip. His music. Hmm. I checked the clock.

It’s 7.23. Maybe if I go there now...

Should I? 

.

.

.

A few minutes later I reached my destination looking for the man with a fluttering heart.

And I was not disappointed.

He was there at the same place I saw him last time.

I was so mesmerised by his graceful moves that I forgot to take off my earphones. 

Unfortunately, as soon as I fetched my wallet and moved closer with a desire to praise his work with an appropriate amount of money, he stopped playing and started packing up his things.

No, I couldn’t let him go this time, I don’t know when I will be able to meet him again. That's why I quietly followed him.

With my eyes fixed onto his back and trying not to lose hm, eventually I lost the track of time.

Suddenly, he turned around and noticing me he hurried his pace which made me do the same which, in turn, must have scared him, I guess, because soon, he started running looking back over his shoulder from time to time. 

“Watch out!!!” I stretched my hands as if that gesture would help him and closed my eyes already knowing what’s going to happen next.

He bumped into a group of youngsters in front of him. They didn’t seem happy about the accident and the atmosphere was quickly getting unpleasant. They surrounded him and when one of them pushed him I couldn’t stay calm anymore.

“Yah!!! What are you doing there?!”

“None of your business mister, back off if you don’t want your expensive coat to get ruined” he glared at me as if he saw a stinky piece of poo.

“Stop barking and leave the boy alone,” I answered trying to overcome all the tastes mixing in my mouth. _It’s only a chemical reaction in your brain SungYeol, it’s not real, you actually don’t feel anything, it’s just your brain._

“As you wish,” he smiled viciously and punched the boy in the stomach, hard. The musician fell down on his knees pressing his arms against his abdomen; I only heard him grunting as another kick from the other side was sent at his back. One of the delinquents snatched the content of musician’s pocket and all of them walked away as if nothing happened.

I rushed to help him get up.

“Are you okay?” I squatted down and examined him quickly.

“Leave me alone,” he blurted trying to catch his breath. He got up while my head got dizzy.

“They took your money, I think it’s because of me... I’m sorry, here, I can repay you for your loss,” I reached for my wallet willing to give him all my money out of pity and guilt.

“Just who are you, huh? A pervert? Why were you following me?! I don’t need your dirty money mister just get lost!” 

I only looked at him, a bit puzzled while he continued his rage making me feel even more dizzy and nauseous:

“Or maybe you were with them? Working together to steal money and you’re going to share it later, huh?!” he grabbed his bag and a bit hunched because of pain he slinged the violin case over his shoulder with the intention of walking away, “That’s so low”

“Wait” I coughed reaching my hand towards him and next second I was collapsing to my side. Everything was spinning, oh god, have I eaten something bad? What’s happening with me? He was looking at me with his eyes open wide - I must have been green on my face, I felt so sick.

“Hey mister, yah, what’s happening?! Are you sick? Is it some kind of a seizure?”

I just wished he could stop talking, his words were too much.

The last thing I remember was that I turned around and vomited.

.

.

.

When I opened my eyes I found out that I was lying in bed, but that wasn’t my bed.

“Geez, my head”

“You are awake. Good, if you are okay please leave my house now.”

I saw the artist sitting on the floor with his eyes piercing me. Well, some stare that was. In fact, it was making me feel uncomfortable.

He was really good looking, though. But somehow I was too intimidated to face his dark eyes so I allowed myself to look around his room - how neat and perfect it was, almost pedantic… The wooden floor was so shiny you could use it as a mirror! There's a big window and a desk next to it, on the desk there were some papers - the only thing which wasn’t organised in this room. And pictures. Tons of pictures on the walls.

“Did you bring me here? Can you give me something to drink?” I sat up and examined my head, it seems everything was fine. Next second, a bottle of water landed on my lap, “Drink it then leave” he got up and was about to leave the room when I felt something strange going on...

“Wait! Can you say anything again?” I asked.

He looked at me as if I grew another head, “What?”

“Uhm.. please, can you tell me your name or give me your phone number so I could pay you back for helping me”

“I don’t need your gratitude. And you don’t need to know my name,” he ended rather dryly. But that wasn’t the end for me. I jumped off his bed and started jerking through my pockets, “Where is my phone? I need to make a phone call now”

“Do it outside then!”

Why was the guy so impatient? I felt my phone in the pocket of my jacket and called SungKyu immediately.

“SungYeol… _oh god, no don’t stop baby.._ it’s not the best moment for _ah god_ the call-“

“Call me mate, now!”

“Huh?”

“Just say the word!!!”

“Mate. Yah, it sounds strange to grant your request while I’m-” I disconnected. It was like a dream, I had no idea yet if the dream was good, though. The sound of my phone being dropped to the floor broke the silence. All shaking, I turned around and looked at the artist. “What did you do to me?”

“Excuse me?” he smirked, “What did I do to you? You should consider yourself lucky that I helped you after the accident from earlier"

Listening to his words and feeling nothing, completely nothing was something new. I couldn’t get used to it, it was so weird. At that time there was only one thing on my mind:

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!” I rushed at him and grabbed him by the collar pushing him at the door until his back hit it hard which made him wince - I forgot about his injuries which he received from the delinquents back then.

“Fuck off” he said through his clenched teeth, his eyes fierce, his breath heavy with anger; but strangely that fierce stare brought me back to earth. I took my hands off him and murmured a quiet, “sorry”

“Now, get out of here” he opened the door for me and slammed it as soon as I went out of the room. I noticed the front door on the right and left the flat.

It was dark and cold outside, the brisk air calmed my nerves for a moment.

Where was I? It was too dark to tell, luckily there was a busy street not far away. I hailed a taxi and get on the back seat.

"To Cheongdam-dong, please. Is it far from here?”

“It’s more than a 20-minutes drive,” I heard the man answer but then something caught my attention - it was a weird smell of dried tomatoes with pepper. I fell back on the backseat making sure, “You aren’t eating dried tomatoes here perhaps?”

“What? I have no idea what you’re talking about, customer”

***

I couldn’t sleep that night. The whole situation was roaming in my head;

He helped me.

He could’ve left me there after I passed out but he took me to his own home and let me lie in his own bed.

And I behaved like a dick.

I cringed at the low sound of the piano keys under my fingers. It got me out of the pondering. Again, I'd been trying to play the music that I once overheard the boy playing.

"No, that's not it'’

My fingers danced on the keys trying to find the right taste.

“Not this time, either”

I tried and tried but nothing seemed to resemble the melody he played back then.

I know how to play sounds that taste like caviar and champagne so why doesn’t it feel the same?

And why did I temporarily lose the ability to taste sounds? It hasn’t happened before.

And why was the guy so hostile?

I can’t leave it like that.


	3. Kim Myungsoo

It’s been days since I last saw him; so far my ability hasn’t failed me - I guess it must have been a temporary seizure… Anyways, I didn’t have time to think about it much.

I was just sitting in front of the company’s café, drinking my favourite coffee with my earphones on. Ah, there’s still a tough meeting I have to put up with.

I clenched my teeth. Not because of the brisk air, the snow was slowly disappearing but it was still cold outside. The meeting. Definitely not going to be easy.

Once a week we’ve got an assembly with the ceo and staff to discuss various matters concerning the closest future plans. There are too many people talking at the same time. It always makes me feel sick; just imagine smoked fish combined with coconut and sour cucumbers and, ugh, I’m feeling sick just on the very thought of it. I always take at least two cups of coffee with me…coffee lets me get a little bit cut off from those mixing tastes…

I’m trying to breathe in fresh air before all the hell begins.

Praying that I’ll go through today’s meeting without puking there, I mindlessly glanced at the people walking down the street and, there it was - a familiar posture attracted my attention.

“It’s you!!” jumping at my feet I almost dropped the cup - god bless the protective lid. I put the cup on the floor and run after the man screaming as if he was some kind of a thief, “Stop!! Stop!!”

“Stop, you!” I blocked his way and only then I noticed that he had his earphones on. He seized me and passed me by without a single word. Was he still angry because of that evening? I checked my watch – there’s still an hour left before the meeting. I can’t let go. I jogged forward and crossed his path, my arms stretched to block as much space as possible.

“Stop”

He didn’t have any intention of listening to me and was persistently walking forwards making me walk backwards in front of him. I tried to catch his attention, catch his eye. Wow, avoiding eye contact seemed so natural to him.

At one point I thought I finally managed to succeed when he looked at me with his eyes slightly _worried_ and that’s when I felt my back meeting the hard metal surface.

“Ouch!”

Fuck, that hurt, aigo. I hissed kneeling and holding the small of my back.

To my surprise, the guy giggled a bit before he took his earphones out and squatted in front of me. His hand stretched at my direction offering help.

“You are such a persisitent weird guy” his voice wasn’t that hostile this time.

“Thanks,” I got up and brushed the imaginary dust off my clothes, “I’m not weird, I’m SungYeol, Lee SungYeol.”

“Lee Weird would suit you better. I’m Kim MyungSoo and I can’t say it’s nice to meet you”

He was about to walk away.

“Hey! Stop!”

He turned around trying to hide a smile, “Haven’t you learned your lesson? Don’t ask me to stop or something might happen to you,” he pointed his chin at the lamp post obviously making a hint to my little collapse.

“I…” before I managed to add anything he walked away plugging his earphones back.

“Kim…MyungSoo…”

Suddenly it dawned on me that I wasn’t able to taste his words. Wait, was that due to me hitting the lamp post? I looked around and examined the metal post with my hands. Some passers-by threw some comments about lunatics walking around freely and the end of the world.

_Plums and milk._

“Geez!” I ruffled my hair and squatted. The tastes were back again and the people quickly walked away probably scared that their suppositions about lunatics were true. I must have looked like one, definitely.

That Kim MyungSoo must have seen me walking straight into the lamp post! He should’ve informed me earlier. Damn. That bastard. I only wished my temporary disability would have lasted at least two hours longer so that at least once, I’d be able to go through the meeting without feeling nauseous.

***

“SungKyu…I’m sorry, I really feel awful today…”

“Weekly meeting?”  
“God, I feel so tired even though all I did was sit and barely speak”

“I knew it’d be like this but WooHyun had to stay at work I thought that maybe we could hang out”

“Why is he staying?”

“Oh, there are some new employees, and since he promoted for the team leader it’s his duty now to give them training during their first days”

“Ah I see… But where are you now? Still at home?”

“Yeah, I wanted to make sure you feel like going out before actually…going out”

I chuckled, “It’s true, we haven’t seen each other for some time now…aigo…”

“It’s up to you mat- bro hahha”

“I can be at your place in 20 minutes and drive you to Woohyun’s workplace - if I change my mind, all three of us could go eat out and if not, we can at least chat a little on our way to his company”

“Great! Your brain still works perfectly though”

“haha yeah… Okay, I’m getting into the car, let’s see each other in about 20 minutes”

“Sure, thanks”

.

.

.

“Whoa I haven’t eaten samgyeopsal for such long time~~”

“Eat to your heart content SungYeol-ssi the meal’s on me tonight,” WooHyun was pouring us another glass of soju.

I waved my hand trying to catch his attention and munched the food I had in my mouth quickly. It wasn’t an easy task though since my cheeks were literally stuffed with the delicacy. “WooHyun-ssi aren’t you older than me?”

“I’m 24”

“But he’s born in February” SungKyu added quickly

“You see, please be comfortable around me” I asked.

With the corner of my eye I noticed SungKyu nodding encouragely at his lover; his mouth full of food made him resemble a hamster. I chuckled and punched the guy playfully.

“I hope it’s okay with you?” I addressed WooHyun.

“Me being comfortable around you or you punching SungKyu?” he laughed. His words were nice, they didn’t have a sharp taste. Just like SungKyu’s words.

I guess I could get on well with my friend’s boyfriend.

“Both” I answered

“Call!” he brought up his glass and laughed being punched by SungKyu. His laugh was contagious.

.

.

.

“…This one smart kid was giving me a headache - he refused to work with others and kept his distance. Aigo, I hope he won’t destroy this year’s company retreat…”

“WooHyun is in charge of the company retreat this year,” SungKyu explained proudly

“Cool, I wish I could go for a company retreat, too but... all the people-“ Suddenly I stopped and looked at SungKyu a little bit worried. He was looking at me too. I couldn’t read his face. I guess he wanted to leave it to me to decide if I should reveal my secret or not.

“Don’t you like people, too? What’s wrong with people nowadays... But you don’t seem like a loner, SungYeol”

“Actually I…” I scratched my nape looking for the right words.

“Is something the matter?” WooHyun put his glass down and looked at me with a worried face, wow this guy was so…sincere…No wonder SungKyu fell for him. “SungYeol don’t feel pressured to tell me all your secrets just because I’m SungKyu’s partner. And don’t get me wrong,” he started waving his hands frantically, “It’s just I won’t feel offended if you decide to leave this conversation for other day”

“Wow” I was stunned

“Wow” escaped my friend’s mouth

WooHyun only laughed. “I only try to see it from your perspective guys, really”

“No wonder you became team leader” SungKyu smiled proudly and grabbed a piece of meat to feed his lover, “Say ah”

WooHyun accepted the treat and raised his glass hinting that it’s time to drink.

“After all, it took you some time to tell me, too” SungKyu noticed

“Ah right…” I felt embarrassed

“No matter what you have there just remember that I’m rather tolerant, don’t worry” Woohyun winked

“Thanks I…don’t know what to say”

“Let’s forget about it for today, aigo! That Kim MyungSoo is enough trouble for today” he laughed

“Kim MyungSoo?” Did I hear it right?

“Yeah that smartass”

“Is he perhaps tall with dark hair and perfectly symmetrical lips?” _perfectly symmetrical lips?_ I’m…What?

I saw Woohyun rising his brow suspiciously so I quickly explained myself shrugging my shoulders, “I pay attention to strange details.” But seriously why did I say that?

“Well, I don’t know about his lips… There are only one lips I’m interested in” he send a buttery smile at SungKyu.

“Nam Grease” the other retorted

“What? What? I can’t help it” he laughed again, it made me smile even though his words tasted like chicory. I found that funny - he was sweetening his lover while his words tasted bitter haha but somehow I knew that everything he was saying was sincere.

“Hey, hey, guys!” I waved my hands to attract their attention, SungKyu was already glued to his lover; ah, I guess they aren’t over their sexy phase yet - they should be thankful that we have a vip room, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to show their affection openly and I wouldn’t be able to eat in a moderate peace.

“But that Kim MyungSoo…” I sighed

“Ah that guy...Do you know him?” Woohyun was offering his shoulder for SungKyu to lie in and suddenly I felt cold…

“Yes and no…I would like to…Let’s say I have a business to that guy”

“Then I wish you luck! He’s like a brick wall, so hard to get through…if you need my help feel free to ask! I’ll be more than happy to help”

“Thanks man” I felt better immediately. My heart changed its beat into a faster one. I guess it must be adrenaline. At least I won’t have to look for that guy far.

“SungYeol would you mind if we finish for today?”

I looked at my friend and laughed sincerely. “Aigo, SungKyu, I can’t with you”

Woohyun followed my lead and laughed, too.

“Weren’t you dead tired some time ago?”

“Get lost, man”

“Fine”

SungKyu jump on his feet immediately, grinning crazily. Ah, I guess the meeting is over.

WooHyun paid for the meal and we bid our goodbyes. We called a substitute driver and drove my friends home before we reached my place.

I turned on the lights and headed to the bathroom. I couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation we had with Woohyun. Is it possible that _the_ Kim MyungSoo worked in his department? What a coincidence. Haha.

Kim MyungSoo and his little smile he sent me today. I couldn’t stop thinking about him when I slipped under the cold sheets of my king-size bed. It felt so big and lonely. Maybe I should really think about starting a relationship….But first, I need to find out more about that Kim MyungSoo and why he was around when my senses _malfunctioned_.

***

The funny thing is that although I knew where he works now I haven’t used it as my advantage yet. Days were passing as usual, except for the fact that I had more work to do. I blame it on that Kim MyungSoo, of course. Since I heard him playing I was trying to reproduce the music I heard. Because of that each new piece I composed sounded…wrong. It was hectic, the agency urged me to come up with some new songs but I was… I don’t know, stuck. It can’t go on like this. That guy infected my mind, it I can’t live like this. Of course I could wait 'till evening and go look for him on the metro stations but damn, I felt that this couldn’t wait.

“Damn it” I stood up and grabbed my things before I left the company.

It took me less than 20 minutes to get to WooHyun’s workplace but I stayed in car. Tapping my fingers against the steering wheel I was staring at the entrance not wanting to miss a single person walking out of the building.

I smiled to myself feeling strangely excited. Does this make me a stalker? Not really? I’m not stalking…following…I’m not doing what I’m doing for pleasure or something – I have my own reasons. I need to know why I lose my abilities when he’s around…And I need to know more about his music. And about his hostile attitude on the day we met. And why he didn’t want to stop last time. And why he avoids people…Well that’s quite a lot of information concerning the fact that we met each other twice and know nothing about each other except for our names…

My heart skipped a beat when I saw him walking out of the building. He was carrying his backpack in his hand and was looking around before putting his earphones on. Damn, why did that make my heart beat like crazy.

I got out of the car and run towards him. 


	4. getting to know each other

Out of instinct I called his name although he couldn’t have possibly heard it with his earphones on. But he did turn around.

“MyungSoo-ssi~”

He squinted his eyes, “Lee Weird?”

His voice was deep and tender and only now did I notice that he was kind of handsome. Suddenly I forgot everything I had to say.

He waved his hand in front of my face to bring me back to Earth.

“Can…Do you work here?” I blurted out

“Why do you need to know that? Why are you here? Were you…were you following me? Are you one of those sick lunatics?! Leave me alone you freak!”

The speed his face turned into a cold one again must have beaten all the world records.

I watched him take a few steps back before he turned around and started quickly walking away.

“Wait, stop” 

Maybe grabbing his hand from the back wasn’t the wisest decision. I mean, he probably wasn’t expecting me doing that at all. Or maybe I pulled him to hard…

Due to the impact of my pull he turned around and bumped against my chest.

Dugun dugun dugun.

It was seconds before he bounced back; his eyes wide open, his lips parted in a mute scream but I was quicker. My other arm (finally, I made a good use of my long limbs) slipped around his waist to prevent him from falling down. At least that was what I was hoping for. Well… Not everything went according to my plan. Unfortunately, the impact was too strong and we both fell down.

Let’s say that my landing was less hard than his, if you know what I mean.

Even with the painful grimace on his face he was unnaturally handsome. It’s possible that many people approach him like this because of his unbelievable beauty.

Would that explain his hostile attitude?

Wait.

I was lying on top of him.

In the middle of a sidewalk.

I jumped up as if burned.

“Are...you okay?” I watched him sitting up and massaging the back of his head. “I’m s-sorry”

“Yah you Weird! You are weird, you know?”

“I’m sorry but if only you stopped when I asked you to…” I stretched my hand to help him get up.

“First time you hit the lamp post, now I hit the sidewalk, I guess we are even then”

I picked up his backpack and handed it to him.

“Thanks”

“I’m sorry again”

“Fine. But I guess I have to listen to what you have to say or one day something bad might really happen to us” a faint smile flashed through his face. And a shallow dimple marked its presence.

“Really?”

“But if you are another weirdo following me to confess your feelings or wanting to make me sleep with you then we don’t have anything to talk about”

“To-to sleep with you?”

“Yeah so tell me, because I don’t want to waste our time, did I see through you?”

“Sleep? No! NO! What the…? No, I wanted to ask you…”

Sleep. Why wasn’t there a taste sensation triggered by the word?

I looked around in panic, searching for any source of a sound. Some ahjummas were arguing loudly about the price of the products.

Honking.

I jumped and turned to the left to face the source of the sound.

Nothing.

A shop assistant walked out of the shop to talk on the phone.

I was turning my head and turning around feeling strangely…empty. I totally forgot about the man right next to me. It felt like a dream. Like something impossible. It’s like becoming deaf or blind in a heartbeat. It made me feel kind of impaired, you know. The sounds in my ears, the sights reflected in my eyes but that was all. Nothing else.

I almost screamed feeling a hand on my arm.

“Are you okay?”

I watched his lips intently. Are you ok? There was a huge part of the message missing. I understood him perfectly but it felt so…bland.

“Hey, Weird?”

I smacked my lips at the weird sensation of feeling completely nothing and although it was very, very strange and I felt out of place, I answered:

“I’m…fine”  
  


“You sure? Because for a moment you looked absent?” He raised his brow

“No, I’m fine, it’s okay”

“You really are weird, Weird. But that’s good”

“Why?”

“Because usually it’s me who’s called a freak, maybe I’ll look less weird with you by my side”

“Seriously?”

“No” he chuckled

“What?”

“Just kidding, but I was only kidding with no, what I said about being a freak earlier was true”

I blinked my eyes a few times trying to catch up with his words. What?

“Why call me weirdo if you are weir-…” I saw his eyes lose their sparkle and my throat clenched, “...I mean…I...”

“Forget about it, I’m used to it” he glued his eyes to his feet which somehow left me restless. His eyes were too beautiful to…what the fuck, what was I EVEN THINKING.

“Yah, so about the things I wanted to ask you...”

“Yeah?”

“What about talking it over a dinner? You haven’t eaten, have you?”

“A dinner?” he looked at me suspiciously and it made me feel kind of uncomfortable as if he thought I had some bad intentions, and somehow I felt wrong that I even asked.

“Well, Yeah, there are some nice places around the corner…”

“…”

“…”

“Okay” he answered finally.

A relief embraced me and I felt so light. “What about Samgyeopsal?”

“Sounds fine”

“Great, let’s go then”

***

The place was really only a few steps away. We got inside and took our places. I asked an ahjumma for samgyeopsal and soju. She brought the drink first and I placed a glass in front of him. 

He looked so… innocent with his hands on his lap as he sit. Only his eyes follow the moves of my hand as I set everything ready to drink.

Does he see something wrong in me buying a drink? Oh come on, MyungSoo, stop being so suspicious.

“There’s nothing better than a bit of soju served with samgyeopsal, isn’t it?”

“Uh…I’m…"

”Afraid I want to get you drunk?”

He blushed and blurted, “N-no…”

_Ah, gottcha._

“I’m not interested in men, don’t worry” my hand stretched over the table ready to fill his glass but it trembled strangely when he looked at me with his dark eyes.

He cleared his throat and picked the glass up to help me fill it while he finishes: “…besides, I can take care of myself”

“Great!” I motioned for us to drink the first round and after swallowing the liquor I continued, “So, MyungSoo, tell me…are you generally so negative towards people or was I the only unlucky person?”

I poured us another glass and looked at him intently. I couldn’t help but smile at him. I don’t know, he seemed like …he reminded me of a stray dog… I thought that maybe a little bit of warmth wouldn’t do any harm.

“Why do you want to know that?” he pierced me with his dark eyes; his stare was…somewhat coy?

“I’m just curious, you helped me back then but as soon as I woke up in your room – that was your room, right? – you became cold, I don’t know but, such a cold person wouldn’t help others, would they??”

“You want me to be honest?”

“Well, yeah?”

“I don’t know”

“What?!” I almost fell from the stool watching him shrug his arms. “Are you playing with me?”

“Oh come on, you helped me and so I helped you, it’s just that. You were unconscious, the neighbourhood wasn’t the safest one to pass out in, seriously, and my home wasn’t that far away...I may be strange but I’m not heartless, you know”

“Ah…I see… but then when I woke up in your room…”

“It was …” he munched his lower lip for a while before continued, “…while you were unconscious I had some time to think the situation over…You were following me… Offering to help me out of nowhere…I realised that I didn’t know you, that I invited a stranger into my house… I… Let’s say life taught me that I shouldn’t trust strangers much….That I shouldn’t trust anyone.”

“Anyone?” we drank and I poured us another round, the lady brought the pork and we put it on the grill, “Did somebody hurt you?”

He side eyed me and snorted, “If it was only one person, ha!”

“Bad memories, huh?”

“You bet, but I don’t feel like talking about it with you, Weird”

„Whatever you feel comfortable with”

He drank the shot and announced: “Next bottle is on me” without asking for my consent he called ahjumma asking her for another bottle.

“So…how long have you been playing the violin?” I asked while flipping the meat over

“Violin? Why? You are asking strange questions, Weird. People don’t ask me about such things”

“Really? What do they ask you about?” I was really curious, maybe I was indeed strange.

“Hmmm…” he furrowed, “they ask me if I’m single…”

“I told you I’m not interested-”

“… or if I want a ride. You know, stupid questions of such type”

I looked at him, surprised. Suddenly he looked gloomy.

I poured us another drink. I needed to know something about him, maybe there will be some answers.

“I guess I really am weird then?”

“No” he shoot quickly and must have felt embarrassed, “I mean…”

“So, are you going to tell me about the violin or should I ask you if you are single?” my smile faded quickly as he threw me a uneasy look. “I’m joking, no sweat, man.”

He gulped another drink.

“It’s been around... 15 years?” He finally answered.

“Fifteen? Whoa I really was impressed when I heard you back then in the subway station”

“Are you interested in classical music?”

“Not really. But I play the piano. Besides I can… recognize really good music”

He smirked. “Too bad, you must have made a mistake on that piece”

“Why? I don’t think so?”

“It was improvised”

“Seriously?”

“Hahah yeah I won’t be even able to play it again, my musical memory isn’t that good, in fact I used to suck at notes haha actually, I still do, that's why I just play by ear”

“Come on! Really?”

“Yeah, so I dropped music school because playing what I felt like worked the best for me, this is stupid I know, but that’s just how it works”

“Aigo”

“Why?”

“That music…I found it really enchanting... I tried to reproduce it countless times…” I furrowed my eyebrows, “…it really bothered me-“ did I tell him too much? I looked at him expecting literally any reaction but he was just looking at me frozen, his glass halfway up his mouth.

“R-really?”

“Yeah” I answered as if that was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I…Really? I don’t know what to say; so you tried to approach me because of…of my music? Are you…you know…for reals? Aren’t you making fun of me?”

“I’m being serious. You see, I’m a composer myself and as I told you I…can recognize good music...”

“Ah seriously” he laughed as if I told him the best joke, “ah seriously! You are so weird”

“Stop calling me weird, really”

“Why? It’s fun. Now I see why people took so much fun in making fun of me”

“Do you have any friends?”

“I don’t need friends. Fair-weather jerks. The will stab your back the moment you least expect it.”

I thought about SungKyu and how we've always supported each other. Through thick and thin. I even have a good relationship with his lover.

I felt pity towards that handsome male. He may be young and beautiful outside but is already bitter like an old man inside. He probably spends his days alone... does he even have anyone to talk about his problems?

“You know what?”

“Huh?” he poured the last drops from the bottle to his glass and I ordered another one, no, two.

“I will tell you something,” I grabbed the bottle and twisted the cap off to pour some more for us, “We don’t know each other, the drinking goes rather well…I don’t know if we'll meet each other again so… so what do you say if you… just tell me all that’s heavy on your heart, we probably won’t remember it tomorrow so, you know it’s a win-win”

“How’s that a win-win for you?” he asked, his voice and manner of speaking changed a bit due to the amount of alcohol we already drank.

I couldn’t tell him about my state…or the lack of it at the moment…I had to come up with something fast.

“I had an awful day at work you know, I want to forget about it and listening to your story might help me with that” I held my breath waiting to see if he bought it and after a few seconds of awful uncertainty he nodded his head as if he found the plan appealing.

That’s how the evening went. He told me about people picking on him at school, bullying him because of his looks, calling him plastic jerk, beating him for a pulp, threatening to cut his face. I thought beautiful people earned admiration and popularity not hate and envy. He told me that he’s a quiet person, he doesn’t feel good around people and others often used to misinterpret it as being cocky and showing people that they are not worthy of his time.

He also told me about his college life and how one of his part-time job employers first gave him job and claimed he’s the best worker and even paid him extra for his work but then suddenly out of the blue he changed his mind and wanted MyungSoo to pay him all the money back. MyungSoo didn’t have it so the man wanted to force him into sexual intercourse as compensation.

And how he finally made friends with some people. He even fell in love. Not long after he gave his all to the person, he discovered that it was only a part of a bet.

He told me he lost faith in people and has been avoiding close relationships since then. He backs off and people just call him weird because of that.

It’s so heartbreaking. That he turned into such a person. Because of all the hate directed at him, he really believes he’s a weirdo. On top of that, all these other people who approached him only because of his outer appearance...

Although his story was sad I felt kind of…soothed. It was weird. For the first time in my life I felt the taste of _only_ samgyeopsal and _only_ soju. Without any unnecessary tastes bombarding me from left and right. I owed him at least listening to his story and still that wasn’t enough for what he (although unconsciously) did to me.

We then talked about me, about SungKyu and my trip to America; I revealed that I’m a composer and he couldn’t believe me at first. Then he sang some of the songs I produced, wow that was something. Although he confessed that he isn’t very fond of such popular music. When I told him I knew his favourite musicians personally he went crazy. That was a funny sight. I promised to get him the signed albums.

I don’t remember much of the rest time we spend at the restaurant. I had some flashes of us walking outside of the restaurant, each of us drinking straight from the bottle. We ended up on some bench unable to walk further. He rested his head on my lap.

“Yah! Don’t fall asleep!” I tried shaking him but my body refused cooperation and my hand only slid against his body unconsciously.

He replied with incomprehensible mumbling.

I have no idea how that happened but somehow I must have managed to call SungKyu as I remember him scolding me for interrupting him something _very important_. Like yeah, what important things did he have to do in the middle of the night?

*** 

I woke up due to the sunrays dancing on my face. Or maybe the throbbing pain in my head. My neck was also strained after sleeping on the sofa. But I didn’t pay attention to my last night’s sleeping place as I was dying from thirst. I emptied half a bottle and headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

I couldn’t get that MyungSoo out of my mind. How did I get back home? How did he? I don’t even have his number… Did he get back home safely? Poor kid nobody worries about him…Oh my god, such people are perfect victims for any kind of psychopaths! He’s handsome, alone, nobody cares about him, nobody would care if he disappears one day and nobody would look for him while he might be locked in some dark basement and left for the psychopath’s mercy!! Oh my god. I need to check if he’s okay! But where to look for him? Damn, if something happened to him that’d be only my fault - why did I order that freaking soju!!!

I grabbed a towel and rushed out of the shower. My house was always quiet, I totally forgot about my synesthetic abilities. They are probably back, as usual.

I rushed into the bedroom to pick new clothes and nearly got a heart attack when I saw a dark human-like shape on my bed.

I panicked. I rushed out of the bedroom and closed the door behind me. My heart was pounding. What was that? Who was…wait, who? MyungSoo?

I walked into the room again and moved closer to make sure. I held my breath and leaned forward to brush the bangs out of his face. He was sleeping on his stomach, his face was hidden.

I jumped back at the little mumbling he made, I thought he was going to wake up. To my surprise he only smacked his lips a few times and went back to sleep. Maybe it was better this way. If he woke up now, he wouldn’t be happy to see me leaning over him and wearing only a towel around my waist.

Phew. At least he wasn’t kidnapped.

I picked up my clothes and left him alone.

I had some leftovers in the fridge so I started preparing breakfast. After it was all done and MyungSoo still didn’t show any signs of life I walked to the door and knocked at it loudly. “MyungSoo, wake up I made some breakfast!”

I placed my ear at the door and cringed at the sudden thump; he must have fallen off bed out of shock. I didn’t even manage to move away from the door when it fling open and MyungSoo’s sleepy face greeted me.

“What.is.the.meaning.of.this.” he spat every word separately through his gnashed teeth.

“I think we drank too much yesterday”

I couldn’t stop grinning; that little grumpy weirdo looked so cute with his hair dishevelled and his eyes so puffy like a little baby with excessive amount of baby fat. “You look so-“

“Don’t even dare to finish” he walked past me and I just had to chuckle.

We ate breakfast in silence until he finally noticed:

“Why don’t you have a tv at home? It’s not that you can’t afford it...”

“I’m…not very fond of watching tv”

“Weird…hey, you are a good cook weird”

“Yah! Told you not to call me that!”

He ignored me and continued, “What are other things that you are good at?” he started ticking things off his fingers, “You compose well, cook well, drink well, you have good manners, good looks-“

I choked on water at his last words. I saw him smirking, it must have been his intention.

“I’m... if you finished eating you can go take a shower”

“Thank you, the breakfast was jjang, I haven’t eaten such a good meal since...haha since yesterday’s samgyeopsal”

It didn’t take him long to have a shower. He walked out with wet hair falling on his face and only a towel draped around his hips. Suddenly the room felt stuffy, I felt uncomfortable in my own house! What is the meaning of this?!

“M-myungsoo-“

“Do you have a hairdryer?” He run his hand through his wet hair and somehow it reminded me of some kind of a commercial. How can somebody who drank so much yesterday look so good after waking up. I gulped and froze. I noticed my mouth was hanging low.

“Sure, it’s in- in the cabinet, second shelf”

“Thanks”

I opened the windows as soon as he disappeared in the bathroom.

Kim MyungSoo.

I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my own house. Please, I hope he goes out of the bathroom fully clothed.

“SungYeol?”

I heard his low husky voice and turned around. What’s happening with me? I stole a short glance at his firm chest and slightly highlighted abs and my heart skipped a beat.

“Wh-what now?”

“Did I… vomit last night?”

“What?”

“Or did you?”

“Why?”  
“Look at my shirt”

I saw an old dry mark on his shirt, “Jesus” I took it and folded it into a ball, „I’ll lend you one of mines”

“…”

  
“Come with me I’ll let you pick one”

“Do you have any black ones?”

  
I seized him from his toes to his forehead judgingly and saw his dimple smile. Damn.

He picked one of my favourite t-shirts but what could I do, after all, I told him to pick one. I must admit he looked good in my clothes, maybe even better than me… Actually, damn, did I look that hot when I wear it?

“What?”

I was brought back to Earth; he was looking at me in anticipation.

“You look great” came out of my mouth

“You think so?”

“Yeah”

It’s the first time I saw his other dimple. Damn. Damn, recently I’m using damn too often. Damn you Kim MyungSoo. Damn!

“SungYeol?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember your promise?”

  
“Huh? What promise?”

“You know…” he looked at his feet again, damn I hated it “…the signed album…”

I laughed, “Sure. I’ll get it on Monday”

He looked like a child on a Christmas Eve. My heart grew big to see that I was able to make him happy.

“Let’s see each other on Monday then”

“Wait, are you leaving already?”

“I don’t want to overexploit your hospitality... But don’t worry, I’ll give you the t-shirt back”

“I can drive you back home”

“Don’t feel pressured... You did enough”

“Monday then?” Did it sound desperate? Somehow I wanted to make sure that we’ll meet again.

“Sure! I’ll think about a way to compensate you!”

I nodded my head eagerly. I was really looking forward to Monday.

“MyungSoo?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for yesterday”

“No, it’s me who should thank you, really”

I walked him to the front door and saw him leave. After I closed the door to the flat, it felt so empty. I sighed.

Then something hit me. I opened the door and run into the staircase, “MyungSoo!”

He was about to enter the lift.

“MyungSoo!”

  
“What is it, Weird?”

  
„Your number”

I saw him raising his brow on me.

“Phone number”

“Oh” he smiled and retrieved his phone from the pocket and dictated me his number.

“Thanks” I motioned and saluted with my phone then saw him disappear behind the lift door.

I spend the greater half of the day laying in my bed and staring at my phone…. At the nine-digit number to be exact. Kim MyungSoo's.

I was about to take a short nap when my phone rang.

“Oh?”

“What oh, what oh? You wanna die? MATE”

I cringed at the taste. Ah SungKyu thank you, really. “What do you want?”

“My SungYeol is such a naughty boy~~”

Oho that doesn’t foretell anything good. “What? What? Make it fast, don’t torment me”

“Who is that Kim MyungSoo?”

“What do you mean? Kim MyungSoo is a human being I don’t know what you are talking about”

“SungYeol…hahhaha I don’t know, I really don’t know”

“What? Tell me or I’ll hang up, I’m tired”

“Oh I bet you are” I didn’t like his tone of voice. As if he knew something which I didn’t.

“So?”

“Did you have lots of fun with that Kim MyungSoo after I brought you to your house?”

“What do you mean...?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Remember what? I woke up on the sofa in the living room”

“Ah…what a pity hahhaha”

“SungKyu!”

“You were so…clingy last night”

“I’m sorry I don’t remember anything, please pass my apologize to WooHyun, can I hang up-“

“Clingy, but not to me, you dumbass!”

My heart slowed down to the point I thought it stopped beating. If it wasn’t my friend SungKyu whom I was clinging onto then…

“You were all over that guy! Since when do you prefer guys, huh?”

“What do you mean I was _all over him_?” Don’t panic SungYeol, SungKyu is fooling around, yeah most definitely. “SungKyu, if you are taking the advantage of the yesterday’s situation I swear to god I’ll-“

“Really SungYeol, if I didn’t know you, I’d say you were desperate to do him hahha”

“I…what? You know what? I’m tired, let’s talk about it some other time, later”

I ended the call with shaking hands. I was trembling. SungKyu was definitely making fun of me. Yeah. But why would he…? Damn, all the drowsiness left me. My heart was pounding nervously. I shut my eyes and tried to remember yesterday’s events.

Nothing.

All blank.

Dammmit!

I ranted on the bed until I found myself gripping the sheets in a place where MyungSoo slept previously.

Damn!

I jumped off the bed and walked out of the flat. I needed a distraction.

I walked out of the staircase into the street. I could’ve taken my sunglasses with me. And my earphones. Damn. I guess I have to make it without them.

It bothered me to no end – the things SungKyu said.

_Coke popsicle._

But SungKyu wouldn’t pull my leg, would he? Of course he wouldn’t.

I was walking along the street buried in my own thoughts.

_Raw fish. Lemon._

How drunk must I have been to actually cling to a man I barely know. _A man_. _Jesus._

_Cucumber and raspberries._

Oh that’s nice.

It brought me back from my thoughts. I looked around and found myself a few blocks further. But the taste of cucumber and raspberries disappeared as soon as it appeared. Oh right. Which means that everything’s back to normal.

Since I’m here and it’s not far away from a nice music shop I should probably step in and get an album for MyungSoo. For HyungSoo to sign it first and then I’d give it for MyungSoo.

I didn’t ask him which album was his favourite so I got three that were available at the moment. And a dvd with a poster. I guess he’d be happy?

Wait, why do I even care if he’s happy?

I stopped and turned around ready to give back half of the products but then I felt kind of embarrassed to do so.

Damn you, MyungSoo.

I guess I’ll just keep the rest of the albums at home. 


	5. closer

Monday.

I was all antsy since the moment I woke up. I didn’t sleep well last night so I have no idea where all this weird excitement comes from. Maybe that’s because I’m meeting CEO to show him my new pieces, which I was more than satisfied with. If I’m satisfied, I don’t see a reason why he shouldn’t be. Yeah. Let’s aim for another first place in music shows in the future.

I picked the albums, which I prepared the night before so that I definitely won’t forget about them before leaving. I took all four because after some time I realised that instead of giving him a random one I could show him all and ask him which one he’d like to get most – that sounded reasonable, right? [A/N: STUPID STUPID SUNGYEOL kyahahaha]

I reached the company without any nuisances and met HyungSoo at the front door. He said hello and walked towards me to have a small talk with me. We took the lift together and I asked him for a sign on the albums of course explaining him that MyungSoo is his biggest fan.

“Sure, I’ll write something special and bring it to you later to our meeting with the CEO, I’m so curious about the songs you prepared for me”

I smiled. The album is in the first stages of preparations, it’ll take at least half a year before we can say anything about it outside. Of course I didn’t tell MyungSoo, although I was dying to.

“Yeah, I’m curious about your feelings about it too, of course let’s have a talk in private and let me hear your real thoughts then”

“Sure, although I think what I’ll say with the CEO around wouldn’t differ much”

“As for somebody who’s been here for so long, I guess you do have a say, after all”

“That’s the privilege of an old hand, but I don’t want to bend it too much”

“I understand”

“Okay, that’s my floor, see you later”

“Thanks!”

I could’ve spend the time left to the meeting on composing but I was just too anxious to do anything so I headed to the meeting room a little too early.

It all went smoothly; the CEO didn’t ask for any major changes, I will have to have an appointment made with the lyrics writer to discuss some details before they start writing, but before that I needed to apply some minor changes that CEO asked for.

But I got the albums. I couldn’t wait to inform MyungSoo. I texted him:

_I’ve got the signed album for you, you can pick it up already!_

The reply came after about an hour.

_Thanks Weird. I can fetch it after work. Do you have office in the entertainment building?_

_Yeah. So I will be waiting._

I looked at the clock and my heart, which was fluttering like crazy, kind of sank - five more hours? You’ve got to be kidding me. Really? Aish.

And so, I went back to my ordinary work.

It‘s twenty-five to five, maybe I should send him a text and ask him what time he’ll be here? After all, if he finishes in 25 minutes he won’t just magically pop up in front of the building, right? I grabbed my phone and sent him a text:

_What time will you be here?_

_I’m sorry SungYeol I think I won’t make it today, let’s meet tomorrow._

_Why_?

_Something came up at work, I will have to work over hours today._

I frowned and called WooHyun without hesitation.

“SungYeol?”

“Yo, what’s up? A busy day at work?”

“Ah, don’t even ask. If we finish before 8 o’clock it’d be a miracle really… but why are you calling? Has anything happened?”

“Ah…No, nothing much…I…was thinking that we should set up a date for the housewarming party and-”

“Oh… SungYeol, I’m sorry, this week I won’t make it, but yeah, we can think about the date next week”

“Yeah, say hi to SungKyu from me”

“LOL I will, I’m sorry but I can’t talk to you right now, you know, I’m a little busy”

“Yeah, okay, talk to you later”

Great.

And so I headed home.

I was literally rolling over the floor feeling bored as hell. What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn’t feel like doing anything, and most importantly, the thoughts of MyungSoo refused to leave me alone.

I didn’t even notice when it got dark and the heavy clouds and strong wind outside fooretold a heavy rain soon.

My phone startled me a little as it broke the silence. It was the manager reminding me about tomorrow’s meeting with the lyrics writer. It wouldn’t be a problem but I was asked to meet the person somewhere outside Seoul. Damn, I don’t know how much time it’ll take me to get there, stay there and get back here…what if MyungSoo decides to fetch his albums tomorrow and I’m not there? I had nothing better to do so I decided to drive to the company and pick up the albums – it’s better to have them with me, maybe I will be passing by his and WooHyun’s company so I could step by and give it to him. Yeah, a good idea.

The rain was quite heavy by the time I went out. Luckily, there’s not much distance between the parking lot and the company entrance.

I fetched the cds and run back to the car to drive off.

The rain turned into quite a storm, I’d say. There was an accident on the road so I took a detour. Suddenly, I felt like eating chicken. There’s this awesome restaurant next to MyungSoo and Woohyun’s work… Wow, what a coincidence. I drove there and got what I craved for.

While I was driving past the company I noticed that the lights were off. So they did manage to finish before eight in the end. Cool. I don’t know why. But yeah.

I stopped at red lights. The windscreen wipers were working at full blast.

Poor people who had to be outside at that moment. I looked at the nearest bus stop and the way people crowded under the bus stop roof. There wasn’t enough space for all of them and some were standing in this pouring rain. Poor souls…

Suddenly, my heart jumped (or stopped I have no idea). The only thing I was sure about was that among those unlucky people there was MyungSoo!!!

As soon as the lights changed I drove forward and stopped by at the bus stop. I opened the passenger’s window and tried to attract his attention. He’s wearing his stupid earphones but maybe other people would see me calling him and react somehow.

He looked at me. Finally. I motioned for him to get in but he only shook his head and motioned for me to drive off.

What a loser. Seriously.

“Come on in MyungSoo!”

Another ‘go away’ sign.

“Fine. You mother fucker” I undid my seat belt. In the rear view I saw the bus stopping at the red light which means it will be here soon. “Damn you!”

I got off the car right into that pouring rain and run to him quickly making his eyes grow big as golf balls.

“Come on in, what are you doing?”

“Weird what…?“

I grabbed his arm and pulled him behind me. I flung open the door and had to push him inside. “Get in, you idiot!”

For a moment I thought I’d have to use my legs to kick him in but finally he gave in. I closed the door behind him and run to get into the car myself. We drove off right away.

“Yah, why were you waiting in the rain?”

“What was I supposed to do, Einstein? You saw the bus stop was crowded!” he gesticulated

“Should’ve called me or something”

“Well yeah as if you’d come if I had called you…wait no, why should I? Are you crazy- Weird. You are so weird” he was shaking his head in disbelief which made me chuckle.

For a moment it went silent (I don’t listen to the radio while driving) and some strange noises could be heard, something like...

“Hungry?” I asked

“No”

I looked at him turning his head to look through the window. Yeah right. He just got embarrassed. I can’t with him, why so cute.

“I’ve just bought some chicken” I sang.

“Great, but I don’t see a reason why I should be interested”

“I’m… I… fine” I give up.

“Is it spicy?” he asked after a while and I grinned

“Yup, do you like it spicy?”

“Come on, who doesn’t”

“It’s not far from my place but if you feel like it we can eat at yours…”

The dense silence filled the car. I bit my lips. Damn. Would he interpret it as…? Damn.

“MyungSoo I-“

“Your place is fine”

we spoke simultaneously.

“I’m not hinting-“

“I know”

“For sure?”  
“Yeah”

For the rest of the drive he was strangely tense but maybe the wet clothes made him uncomfortable.

After a short while we entered the flat.

“I’ll give you some dry clothes to change into first”

“It’s really not necessary”

“Shorts or sweatpants?” I ignored his answer

“Sweatpants” he sighed

“Look I even found a black pair” I threw it at him, “and a t-shirt, now, you’ll have two of mine”

“Thanks…I’ll give them back”

“Yeah yeah yeah my ass I already see you wearing them to sleep and hugging them tightly”

“You wished!!”

He smiled. He didn’t feel uncomfortable with my not-so-innocent joke. Wow.

The sweatpants were too long for him but I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He looked so…domestic. It was attractive. He was attractive. And that rain-damp hair of his.

We stood like that looking at each other in silence. It crossed my mind that I didn’t want him to leave.

“Weird?”

“Oh?”

“Aren’t you going to change, too?”

“I’m-“ I totally forgot that I was soaked as well. “In a minute. You. Feel like at home, help yourself to the chicken, the plates are there in the upper shelf."

When I get out of my bedroom I saw him sitting at the table, with his (I think) natural position with his hands on his thighs and straight back. Everything was set up and ready to eat.

“Were you waiting for me?” Damn.

“Yes. After all it’s mealtime, shouldn’t people eat together?”

Wait, he was kind of hostile before. Even today, he refused to take a ride with me and I had to force him into the car and what’s with this now? So he knows how to behave around people?? This guy, really, he’s giving me a headache.

“Yeah, thanks, since you waited…” I leaned over the table craning into the box full of chicken, “…I’ll pick the best piece”

I reached for a crispy chicken leg when he protested, “Yah yah shouldn’t you treat your guests first?”

“No?”

He was so shocked looking for another argument. God, if he keeps on being this way I’ll get some unnecessary wrinkles from grinning.

“Fine you take it then” He sighed

“You give up so easily?”

“Not usually”

“So why now?”

  
Damn. I made him uncomfortable again. But I wondered what his answer would be, I didn’t intend on helping him get out of this situation.

“HM?” I insisted “Tell me, maybe I’ll give the piece to you” I teased by waving the piece of chicken in front of his plate

“Yrmle” he murmured and the blush on his face was impressive.

“What?” I grinned even more, ah I was so curious now

“Your smile” He fixed his eyes on his thighs and refused to look up.

It hit me hard. I closed my mouth quickly but the storm inside me was blasting. The fact that he was looking at his lap wasn’t helping at all. And now, what should I do? Damn. Should I give it to him or leave it? Damn damn damn. D A M N. I will never ever dig into things again. Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

I put it on his plate.

“One zero for you”

He lifted his head and looked at me with his black eyes wide open.

I continued: “Flattering. I didn’t think of this. Good tactics.”

Hell. It’s better to turn it into a joke, right? Or maybe that was just a joke? Of course it was, why would I think otherwise?

We ate talking and bickering like this, it was fun, but his comment was somewhat lingering in the back of my head for the whole time. I didn’t even notice that I lost my ability to taste words again. It’s a pity. I really wanted to taste his words. And his aura wasn’t visible either.

Suddenly, I remembered about the albums! Good thing I brought them upstairs together with the chicken.

“Wait”

I stood up and grabbed the paper bag before I sat down again. Well, eventually I could give him all four. “For you” I stretched my hand.

“For me?”

“Yeah, go ahead”

I watched him grab the bag and open it; his face got so bright I only regret I didn’t have my phone with me because I felt like recording his reaction.

“>Once fine day< nice! But >left heart< is still much better”

“Yeah?” I grinned wider knowing what will happen next. I saw him jumping on his feet when he saw the next album, the >left heart< of course.

“HOW DID YOU KNOW?”

I shrugged my shoulders “I didn’t, just got whatever they had in store”

His fingers brush against the paper page of a photobook as if that was the most precious thing in the world. Tsk. What a kiddo.

“And the >third album< wow, so cool!" 

“He’s cool, that’s true”

“Oh my god you know him personally I’m so envious”

“I’ll let you say hi to him one day, but now, there’s one more”

I motioned my head at the bag and watch him take out a dvd out of it.

“Ah, his tour from last year. I’ve got two copies, the Japanese and Korean version but I guess this one…I’m going to treasure the most. Have you seen it?” He looked at me so excitedly, it’s the first time I’ve seen his dimples going so deep.

“I guess, once? But just fast forwarded through most of it, I didn’t …enjoy his music back then” I saw his eyes go wide again as if he wanted to rant : >>how can anyone not enjoy kwill’s music << and damn I was right.

“Are you deaf or something?” He asked watching the dvd cover as if he hasn't seen it before.

I laughed. “I’m not, you know so little about how the industry works! Besides, I’m very picky when it comes to music.., but I like his Day one! It…” I wanted to add that it tastes like raspberry and fresh crème but I bit my tongue right in time, “…it’s really good.”

“I like it, too! I wish we could watch it”

“I’ll bring my laptop”

“Really? But-“ he looked at the clock, it wasn’t that late though, only before ten. I had to wake up early tomorrow but hey, I will manage somehow.

“What?”

„It’s kind of late though”

“Don’t worry, I’ll drive you back home later”

“Oh nonono you don’t have to, r-really, I’ll go by bus”

I raised my brow at him. “Let’s only watch a few songs, I’ll pick two and you pick two as well”

“Only two? That’d be hard”

I laughed and fetched my laptop. We sat on the floor with our back leaned against the sofa. I felt like listening to day one, I really missed the taste, that song has a really nice composition.

“You pick first” he said

“Day one, of course” I swallowed and licked my lips in anticipation totally forgetting that my ability left me a few moments (or hours) ago. I don’t even remember when. I didn’t notice.

With the corner of my eye I saw him looking at me surprised.

“What?”

“You are Weird”

“Yeah yeah whatever, just play the song already”

I didn’t feel the taste but didn’t have time to worry over it as looking at MyungSoo was so much fun. He was swinging his head and bouncing his body; even humming. Really. What a sight. Hahaha.

Then he picked one of the songs that was supposed to taste like rotten meat but (not)surprisingly I didn’t feel the taste either. But who cares.

“Come on, don’t you know this one?” he pushed me lightly still bouncing his head like a disco boy.

I grinned. “Nope”

“I’ll teach you good music” he turned his head to watch the video. His side profile was nice. His little crow’s feet were adorable. How could anyone hate on him?

The four songs went by way too quickly for my liking.

“Ah, such a nice show”

“We can watch some more” I meant it, it was really nice to watch the show aka getting to know MyungSoo better.

“No, four is four Weird. Let’s not go back on our words, people shouldn’t”

“But we are having fun, aren’t we?”

What? What now?

I saw him standing up, or rather, shooting up and grabbing his albums, “I know we are, you don’t have to tell me that”

“I’m sorry, I’ll drive you back”

A confident _no_ pierced my heart.

“And thank you for the albums, I will pay you back for all of them”

“MyungSoo it’s a present it’s fine, really”

I only wanted to be nice to him, what’s wrong with him?

“No, I don’t want to own anything to anyone”

“Did I say anything wrong?”

“It’s a matter of trust, Weird. I don’t know your intentions”

I scoffed. “I told you I was interested in your music”

“And we talked about it, why do you still insist on spending time with me?”

Damn, he can’t remember more than me from that night, right? If SungKyu was telling the truth and if he remembers…Damn. Maybe I’m no different than all those who only approached him for one purpose, isn’t the >>we are having fun<< phrase a bit too intrusive?

“I just… I don’t know, must there be a reason why you want to spend time with people you like?”

“You like me?”

As if that was a surprise that anyone could like him.

I shrugged my shoulders “I think we can get on well and become friends maybe?”

Of course there was also something about him that made me lose my synaesthetic abilities but I wanted to keep that a secret for the time being.

“Friends?” He seized me from top to bottom and when our eyes met again he walked up to me, stand on his toes, way _too clos_ e to my face. I held my breath unknowingly. His eyes turned dark and his stare was too magnetic to resist but what was even more disturbing was his lips. Or more the way he licked them.

It got too hot and stuffy. I gulped and took a step back to see him scoffing and murmuring under his nose, “Weird” and then he spoke out loud in a cheerful voice ,”Okay, see you next time, Weird”

He smiled at me and walked to the hall to put on his shoes. I followed him still feeling uneasy. He opened the door and just a moment before closing them he said:

“It was fun today”

I was standing there staring at the closed door in front of me as if I just woke up after sleeping for a few days in a row. What’s wrong with him? Is he crazy? Maybe he isn’t normal indeed?

A strange thought popped into my mind and without thinking much I grabbed the car keys and run after him.

He was nowhere to be found so I guess he must have taken the lift already. I run downstairs as fast as my long legs enabled me to.

I managed to leave the staircase just in time to see him walking out of the building.

“S-TOP!!!!”

I saw his dumbfounded face as he turned around, he really wasn’t expecting this, but neither was I.

He was quietly watching me as I get back my breath. “I…will….drive you back”

He snorted but still looked at me as if he saw me for the first time.

“I…may be weird but at least I’ll know that you reach home safely”

“Why would you need to know that?”

  
Oh you’ve got the point here. Why would I, indeed?

“You ask difficult questions” I walked past him hoping that he’d follow me without digging deeper into the topic. I didn’t feel like pushing him into the car for the second time today.

“Do I make you feel uncomfortable?” he asked as he got into passenger’s seat with a smile on his face. That little sneaky weasel.

“Why?”

“Just asking”

“You do when you ask these stupid questions”

“Would you rather I stop?”

I shrugged my shoulders “Do whatever you are comfortable with, I can’t tell you what to do”

“Even if it makes you feel uncomfortable?”

“I will get used to it, and if not I can always stop seeing you”

“I’ll stop then”

I laughed.

“Why? So you want to see me again?”

“Of course I do…You promised to introduce me to HyungSoo”

“Seriously?”

“No”

“Aish”

“Weird” he chuckled.

Soon, I parked my car next to the front gate of his house.

“Here were are, it’s faster than going by bus isn’t it?”

  
“Oh. Thanks. And for the albums, too”

“You’re welcome”

We looked at each other for a short while before he broke the eye contact and was ready to close the door. “Good…goodnight”

“Yeah and to you, too” I watched him close the door and get into his house and I was ready to drive off. 


	6. getting to know each other II

_“_ _Friends?” He seized me from top to bottom and when our eyes met again he walked up to me, stand on his toes, way too close to my face. I held my breath unknowingly. His eyes turned dark and his stare was too magnetic to resist but what was even more disturbing was his lips. Or more the way he licked them._

_It was too much. I grabbed his face and crushed our lips together. I wanted him. He returned the kiss immediately and a certain part of his body let me know that wasn’t the only one feeling unbelievably turned on right now. My hands roamed under his shirt pulling him deeper into my embrace and I felt his hands squeezing my butt. I moaned into the kiss. How can a man’s hands on my body feel so good?_

_I pulled his shirt up through his head in fever ready to smash my lips against his but he must have had another vision;_

_I felt weak as his hot lips were already sucking on my neck; the stinging sensation as he bites my skin felt so wonderfully wrong, yes please abuse me like this, I want you so bad that it hurts. I did want to fight back but the pleasure was so hard to deal with, I wanted more._

_“Take me...” I begged him “...do it now”_

_“You sure?”_

_“Fuck me with abandon MyungSoo, just do it!”_

_“You’ll beg me to stop” he smirked and pushed me, my back hit the wall with an impact but I didn’t have time to whine over it as his hands were undoing my trousers._

_“Oh god, faster” I pushed his hands away and pulled my trousers down together with my underwear. Next second I closed my eyes feeling his hand gripping firmly at my precious part._

_“I want to see your pretty face as you come for me” I felt the hot breath on my ear._

_“Make me come, make me come, do it now”_

_“Oh, I will make sure you come hard”_

_“M-MyungSoo” I almost dropped down as he stroked my throbbing length. I wanted more so I put my hand on top of his to urge him._

_“Keep your hands up” he ordered firmly._

_I did what I was told and saw him smile._

_“Good boy, I will grant your wish now”_

_I watched him kneel and thought my heart was going to explode. It was so real. He looked up into my eyes and just like that took me in so deep that he closed his eyes for a while. I bit my lip at the sight when he, with his cheeks hollowed, lets me out - but not completely - only enough so that I won’t slip out of his hot mouth; then my length gets buried into the wet cavern again making me lose my mind. His eyes still fixed on my face and I wasn’t sure if I was blushing because of the stare or because of the mind-blowing sensation of his wonderful mouth working on me._

_I was humming in pleasure, praying that my knees won’t fail me; it felt just too wonderful. Damn. He was making me close; My hands wandered down to bury my fingers into the raven hair. And he doesn’t object when I pull his head closer, the sounds of him gauging filling up the silence; I see his eyes a bit teary but determined to let me finish in his mouth and, damn, when I release I swear this is the best feeling in the world._

I woke up accompanied by the feeling of utter bliss. I refused to open my eyes. But the wet stain was getting heavier on me. Damn.

Then I looked at the clock.

“DAMN”

I grabbed the phone and called the manger asking him to inform the other part that I’m going to be a bit late. Like how on Earth? I forgot to set my alarm damn damn damn.

Twenty minutes later I was already driving there.

The thoughts about my dream wouldn’t leave me.

But it was just a dream, okay. Only a dream. It could’ve been anyone. Okay it could, right? Right. But even if I leave MyungSoo aside I still found it hot that a man made me feel good.

I furrowed my brows trying to find a solution. And I couldn’t. It was only a dream. Dreams can be weird most of the time.

*** 

Luckily, the man didn’t bitch about me being late. Cool bro. He was really nice to talk to but… Ugh… The discussion about lyrics and feels associated with the music I made… The lyrics... the words mixed so bad… It was hard, I was scrunching involuntarily, once he even noticed me doing that and asked me if I was okay. I put the blame on the coffee.

I needed a break. He wanted to smoke so I took the opportunity to walk downstairs and breathe a bit of fresh air. I put on my earphones to cut myself from the tastes going at me from the busy daily life in the street.

I was scrolling through the playlist when I got a text from MyungSoo.

**Want to hang out this evening? If you don’t want me to pay you back for the albums I may at least buy you some food so that we’ll be even**

I smiled. But the meeting with the lyricist is not going that smoothly as I’d like it to... Not that I don’t like the guy, it’s just his way of choosing words… I typed a reply:

**Thank you! But I don’t know what time I will be back to Seoul today, I don’t want to waste your time on waiting for me**

**Don’t worry, you can come to my place when you are back, I don’t mind**

It’s Friday after all, maybe he’s lonely?

**Ok. Don’t fall asleep ;-)**

**Weird. Don’t come.**

**Too late. See you later.**

I went upstairs with a strange feeling that it’s not going to be that difficult to survive the meeting as I thought.

***

I’d lie if I didn’t feel nervous. I was all excited to see him. At half past eight I already passed the Han river which means I’d soon be at his place. Maybe I should buy something? I pulled over next to a convenience store.

***

“Weird, come in”

“Sorry it’s only beer but I was too tired to think about what to bring” I pushed the plastic bag into his hands as soon as he closed the door behind me.

“Oh…I’ll put it into the fridge. Come on in” he motioned for me to follow him to the living room. To be honest I don’t recall much from last time I had a glance over it, but I must admit it was nice and cozy in here.

“Make yourself comfortable” I heard his voice from the kitchen

“Actually…can I use the bathroom?”

“White door”

“Thanks”

When I came back my stomach grumbled at the nice smell filling the whole room. I was about to go to the kitchen when he appeared in my way, “Hungry?”

“I’m starving, what’s the smell? Did you cook something?”

“Why? Can’t I?”

“Didn’t you say you would _buy_ me food?”

“But I had to buy it before I cooked” he chuckled

“Fine, fine feed me please~~” I don’t know why the aegyo mode turned itself on. Guess I was just tired. But judging by the depth of his dimples he must have liked it.

“But it’s spicy, my baby”

I couldn’t fucking believe my ears. _He went along_. Wow.

“I love it hot and spicy” I watched him smile and go back to kitchen.

“Did you wash your hands?” he asked.

“Yeeeees”

“SungYeol come help me with this..”

Something felt strange. Wait. _Did he just call me by my name?_

“What is it?” I slided onto the kitchen on my socks. The floor was polished well, just as I remembered it.

“Could you…add eggs to it?”

“Soondubu jjigae?” I felt my mouth watering at the sight of a pot full of the beautiful red soup with juicy green vegetables and meat and oh, spicy paprika. “Damn” escaped my mouth again. Damn. 

“What? You don’t like it?”

I couldn’t take my eyes off the thing. “I love it”

I only heard him laughing, did I look that desperate to eat it? But I was so hungry I swear I could eat it all by myself. 

“Yah, Weird, add the eggs, will you?”

“Why can’t you do it?”

“Because I always rip the yolk”

“But shouldn’t we add it to bowls instead of the pot?”

“Sure. But you’ll be doing the dishes later”

I looked at him surprised, like come on I was a guest after all, “Seriously?”

“And what do you think?” he looked at me with a serious expression on his face

“Okay we can make do without bowls” I grabbed the eggs and added them to the soup.

“You can bring it to the living room, I’ll grab side dishes and be there, too”

Finally we sat on the floor at opposite sides of a table ready to dig in.

“You try it first” he offered and I grabbed my spoon without hesitation. It looked amazing, my insides were twisting in joy; one blow to make it less hot and it all ended up in my mouth.

“Oh my god”

“What? What is it?” he leaned closer; his eyes opened wide; I could tell he was dying of curiosity.

“This is perfect” I felt tears forming into my eyes; oh sweet lord it was heaven. I digged into the pot dying to let this taste hit my taste buds again. “Amazing, ohohoh it’s so good MyungSoo” I could die at that moment without any regrets.

“Really?”

“Yes” I answered with my mouth full of crispy vegetables, “God, it’s the best thing I’ve eaten in my whole life”

“Hahahhaa Weird”

The meal went on like this with me spazzing over it and eating until my stomach hurt.

“I’m so full” I leaned back supporting myself on my hands, “this was the best” with much effort I lifted my hand and showed him a thumb up. 

“You really must’ve been hungry” he left his spoon on the table and sat comfortably, too.

“I’d love to finish every single drop of it but if I do it, I might just explode”

“Oh no, then don’t eat it” he pulled the pot far away from me, “I don’t want to clean your bloody leftovers from my walls”

It made me look around the room.

It wasn’t very big, there’s this table that we sat at, the sofa, tv and some cabinets. Just an ordinary room but what drew my attention was the pictures on the walls. They were large and printed on canvas and they resembled those modern artistic pictures.

“That’s nice” I pointed at the black-and-white picture which showed a sight captured from a window on a rainy day; the raindrops on the glass were in the foreground. “It’s pretty”

“You think so?” he asked lazily.

“Yeah” I nodded, “and this one” my finger pointed at the picture of small boats on the water, it looked as if taken from above.

“Thank you”

I turned my head to look at him. “Hm?”

“They are mine”

“I know, it’s obvious since they are in your house”

“Hahaha I took them, Weird”  
“Oh, really?”

“Stop asking that stupid question” he smiled

“Stop calling me weird”

“But you are weird, Weird”

“You don’t know anything about me”

“True. But I still like you.”

His dark eyes were directed at me. His lips curved in such a smile that I couldn’t keep a straight face myself.

“Tsk, give me a break, I’m so tired”

“If I ate almost half of the pot myself I’d also feel tired” there was some mocking in his voice.

“I had a tiring day”

“Tell me about it!” He got up and picked up the dishes from the table. “Sit” he ordered seeing that I was about to get up too but hearing his command I leaned my back against the sofa and closed my eyes for a while.

***

I fluttered open my eyes due to a cold sensation on my forehead. MyungSoo was back with beer, one can pushed into my forehead.

“Missed me?” he smiled

“Very funny”

He sat on the sofa, since I was still on the floor I turned a bit to be able to see him. “Maybe you could show me some of your pictures?”

“Ah there’s not much to watch”

“Come on, let me decide about that”

“Hold it” he passed his can to me. I watched his back until he disappeared in another room and damn his but-… no, no,no it’s only the influence of that stupid dream! I should inform my idiotic consciousness to behave. Delete it delete it delete it.

The more I squeezed my eyes shut the more vivid the sight of his butt was in my mind. Deleteitdeleteitdeleteit “DELETE IT!!”

“Delete what? You haven’t seen anything yet” MyungSoo was looking at me surprised

“I was talking to my conscious”

“Phahahaha what?” he jumped back on the sofa

“Oh… I’m just…”

“Weird?”

I sighed and he laughed. His laugh was cute, it made my chest get filled with something warm, “Okay, you win”

“Assa, now here, just press this button to browse the pics”

Since I was sitting on the floor he was able to see the pictures, too. I almost felt his breath on my cheek as his body was slightly leaned forward.

“Oh damn, this is amazing! It’s seongsan bridge, isn’t it? Whaaa~”

“Yeah”

“It’s awesome, really awesome I can literally feel the briskly wind smacking my skin, whoa” I showed him a thumb up before I looked up at him. He was beaming. I swear he looked like a cute little kitten.

“Thank you”

I went through the rest of the photos and almost each and every one of them made me so weirdly proud. “Do you take pictures of people, too?”  
  
“I guess I have yet to meet people whom I’d like to make memories of”

“MyungSoo”

“Hm?”

“Let’s take a picture together!”

“Wha- Why?” he looked at me puzzled but something was telling me he was more than eager to take a photo with me, I saw it in his face. Have I always been this good at reading people?

“Come onnnnn!” I pulled him by the arm so that he laid down on his side.

“Y-yah” his fierce eyes quickly become warm; they made me feel so snug. I couldn’t take my eyes off them, they were somewhat…addictive. I don’t know how long we lasted like that until he looked away at the camera before he positioned it; I cleared my throat trying to get rid of the strange feeling. What was that?

MyungSoo's voice made me turn my head towards the camera, “Say kimchi~~”

Several quick clicks at once and it was done. He turned the camera to check how the pictures came out.

“MyungSoo, let’s do it again”

“Why? The ones we just took are good”

“I don’t know, we look weird”

“You are weird” he poked my forehead, “they came out nice, it perfectly catches the moment, it’s not improvised, I think after some time it will bring back the memory of this moment”

I looked at him with my mouth hanging low, “I’m…you’ve got a point here”

He smiled at me and put the camera away.

But the memory of this moment…it was so…awkward… The stare we shared a moment before the pictures were taken… _do you want to remember it, MyungSoo?_

He noticed I was watching him.

“What?”

“No, nothing” I took a sip from my can hoping that he won’t dig more into the topic.

“Hey, let’s watch something on tv to decerebrate ourselves after a tiring day, huh?”

“I…ugh…sure”

In fact, I _decerebrate_ best in silence but well, what can I do. I watched him turn on the tv feeling that my peaceful evening is fading away for good; I don’t know why I focused my eyes on my socks.

The sounds of tv filled up the room and I shot my head up.

I was used to the fact that his words have no taste but I just forgot that somehow, while he’s around, the sounds and words lose their taste in general. Wow, I can watch tv in peace, thanks Myung! Maybe I'll get to decerebrate well tonight, indeed. 

“Are you okay with ‘ _happy together_ ’? It’s a rerun but I haven’t seen it”

“Sure, I guess I haven’t seen any episode at all”

“Ah I forgot that you don’t watch tv”

“Did I tell you that?”

“Yeah”

“Good memory you have”

“I’m a good listener… I pay attention to what people say… but I can’t say it works the other way round”

“I listen to you”

“Thanks, Weird” with that answer he earned a punch in the thigh, “Ouch”

“You asked for it yourself” I grinned. 

We were watching the show and passing some comments about it or chatting about anything or bitching about commercials. MyungSoo’s laugh outbursts at the mc’s comments felt so like at home. I guess I was happy. Slowly, due to a tiring day, overeating and drinking a can of beer my eyes felt heavy. MyungSoo was commenting on something with his calm low voice and that tipped the scales. I rested my head against his lap (his sofa was of perfect height for that).

I’m sure I felt his hand stroking my hair before I drifted away. 


	7. even closer

I woke up suddenly. It was dark until it became light for a second and a thunder pierced the silence; and the window was open.

I got up from bed to close it and that was when I realised I wasn’t in my own room....

....which means I must still be at MyungSoo’s place.

He took off my socks but other than that I was wearing the same clothes I wore before falling asleep.

Wait. Does that mean he brought me here? I don’t recall waking up or moving here myself... Well… I guess he won’t feel offended if I take off my jeans and t-shirt? It’s so stuffy in here but in order to fall asleep I had to close the damn window - the thunders're too loud.

I left my clothes in one place and crawled back to bed. A sigh. Well, it’s not the king-size one I have at home but I guess I’ll have to manage with it.

The rain was pattering against the sills loudly.

Another thunder, so loud that it must have hit the ground somewhere close.

I heard a knock at the door before it slowly opened.

“Weird? Are you sleeping?”

“No, what’s happened?”

“I was watching tv and then the thunder… and … there’s a blackout”

“But what can I do about it? What time is it?”

“It’s almost 3 in the morning”

“Go to sleep, I’m sure everything’s going to be fine when we wake up,” It was dark but I managed to notice that he didn’t move an inch. “What again?”

Another lighting and a thunder and he closed the door behind him and appeared at the bed. “Can I keep you company?”

What?

But then I understood and moved closer to the wall to make some place for him.

“Get in, I didn’t know you are afraid of storms”

“Because I’m not”

“Yeah right,” I mumbled, “Why aren’t you getting in?”

“Can I be next to the wall?”

Seriously?? I rolled my eyes – luckily it was dark and he couldn’t see it. I got up and made a gesture for him to get in. While he was crawling in, I unknowingly put my hand on his shoulder blade and that’s only when it hit me that he’s wearing only shorts.

Something inside me shivered.

No, it's not because his skin felt so soft under my fingertips.

I shook my head to get rid of all the thoughts that were about to intrude my mind.

I got into the bed and pulled the cover up. 

I won’t lie, I felt uncomfortable as hell. My heart was pounding. As if that wasn’t enough he turned to the side and now I could feel his breath on my skin; how it lingered on my arm as a damp film which evaporates before it forms again. It was getting more regular now and, kill me, but it was such a turn on. I guess I’m just sexually deprived. That's right. There’s absolutely no other reason why I’d find that hot.

I forced myself to stare into the ceiling; somehow, I was afraid to look at him even if it was dark; deep inside I guess I thought he’d be able to sense that something’s happening.

The room was filled with light again and I could feel the man lying next to me tensing up; he clutched onto the cover and pulled it up trying to get himself covered completely when he heard a thunder.

I know it wasn’t possible but it seems to me that he shrunk. I didn’t know what to do, after all he was a fully-grown man for god’s sake! Why was he behaving like a little child?

“Are you okay? MyungSoo?” I turned to the side so that I could face him, my hand unconsciously rested on him.

“It’s-it’s better when somebody’s around... I’m fine”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I had no idea what I should do

“No-YES! YES!” he almost screamed when another lighting illuminated the room; I took pity on him, he must be sweating tons being completely covered up during such a stuffy night. It was just automatic; I pulled him closer hugging him protectively; at that moment it didn’t really matter if he was a child or a fully-grown man, he just needed reassurance.

I could feel his hot breath on my chest as he snuggled closer.

“Calm down MyungSoo, calm down, nothing bad is going to happen,” I was patting his back, and caressing his head through the blanket. “MyungSoo can I pull the blanket down a little?”

Another thunder made him cringe.

“Please, MyungSoo, you are going to suffocate there...” I pulled on the blanket lightly but he was holding it tight before finally he spoke up.

“Only if you promise that you won’t fall asleep”

“I promise”

I pulled it down and stroked his cheek. I wouldn’t have done that if he was a girl. If he was a girl this whole situation would be so damn awkward and at the moment it didn’t really bother me that he was a guy.

“Can it stop already?”

He was shaking with every lightning, every thunder was making him shrink even more. I covered his ear and rubbed small circles with my thumb on his temple. “Shhh calm down”

“You will think I’m weird and leave me”

“Come on, it’s not a big thing to be afraid of storms... if only you knew what I’m afraid of!”

“What? Tell me”

I tried to sound as seriously as I could. “Squirrels…OUCHSA!” I had to massage my chest after he punched me. Of course I wasn’t afraid of squirrels but at least I made him giggle. “What was that for?”

“Squirrels, my ass”

“You’ll never know when they decide to jump on your head from a tree,” I chuckled at the stupidity, I mean, just imagine that. MyungSoo was still giggling and shaking; I guess it’s hard to make him normal once he starts his giggling seizure.

After the lightning, before the thunder could be heard, I covered his ear again. “Try to fall asleep”

“I’ll try but…”

“You can always try counting squirre-” I was choking from laughter and wasn’t able to finish.

“Yeah yeah yeah,” he yawned, I guess his body relaxed a bit, well that’s a relief. I continued rubbing circles until his even breathing told me he was asleep.

It must have been embarrassing for him to show me that side of him; mainly because we don’t know each other so well. If I was him, I guess I would feel strange…In general I wouldn’t…Kim SungKyu was the person I can embarrass myself in front of countless times but this Kim MyungSoo still makes me uncomfortable. Although it’s kind of cute of him to be afraid of the storm. I chuckled while examining his sleeping face. 

He looked very innocent with his lips parted as he was breathing through his mouth thus producing strange sounds. As if he was snoring but very very quietly. That’s strange but the more I get to know about him the cutter he seems to be.

The storm went on and on and on and I just couldn’t take my eyes off the man next to me. It hit me that he looked amazingly good even in the faint morning light. My eyelids were getting heavy but I didn’t want to go to sleep, somehow I didn’t want to lose the sight of him off my eyes. My hand slipped down from his ear to his cheek. I swallowed and let my thumb linger on his lower lip for a while. His lips were so soft and fleshy…

I quickly took my hand away when I realized what I was doing. I was admiring another guy’s lips. It wasn’t a good idea to fight sleep all night - my mind is working oddly now.

I furrowed my brows still watching him sleep. Kim MyungSoo, why did our paths cross?

I almost fell off the bed when I realised (again) that I was unconsciously nibbling on my thumb which was touching his lips a moment ago. It’s…you can’t…was it... an indirect kiss??!! Delete it delete it delete it!!!!!

*** 

When I opened my eyes my whole sight was blocked as somebody was staring at me intently from above but the face moved back in a flash.

“Pretty, aren’t I?” I smirked and turned to the side with difficulty while his chuckle hit my ears, “I will set it up as an alarm clock tone”

***

Wonderful smell woke me up. Although I was starving I didn’t feel like getting out of bed because the pillow and the duvet smelled like MyungSoo. What?!

I was standing on my feet next second. I should leave. I should leave and stop hearing from him for a while. This is not… this is weird.

I was looking for my clothes when I remembered what he told me last night about me thinking that he’s weird and leaving him. Damn. People only hurt him, if I leave him now I won’t be any different and somehow I couldn’t stand the thought of making him miserable.

I put on a t-shirt and went out of the room to see him making the table so I said hi.

“Hi…I…prepared…breakfast...”

He avoided looking at me. Must be feeling embarrassed after last night.

“Smells nice”

“I hope it tastes nice, too” he send me a faint smile and I automatically grinned at him. I felt like hugging the living daylights out of him.

“I’m sure it does, I can’t wait”

“It’s almost ready”

“Can I help you somehow?”

“Yes”

“What should I do?”

“Make sure to eat it well”

“Let me at least help you with bringing the dishes” I was already in the kitchen taking the plates from him.

Once we sat down at the table and I found myself in heaven again spazzing over the kimchi fried rice. And seeing that it makes him smile I continued praising with every mouthful.

“Just how old are you?” He was shaking his head in disbelief because of my behaviour, I guess.

“24 and you?”

“Oh, I’m 23”

“You should call me hyung then”

“Nah-“

“What nah? What? Call me hyung if I tell you to!” I lifted my fist up pretending I’m ready to punch him for misbehaving

“I’ll think about it,” he didn’t even look at me but was busy eating

“Aigo you-“ I was about to play with him when my phone rang; luckily I left it here last night and now only had to stretch my arm to get it.

It was WooHyun.

“Oh hi _hyung_!” I intentionally squinted my eyes at MyungSoo, “ _hyung_ , what do you do if somebody refuses to call you hyung?”

“Somebody refuses to call you hyung?”

“Yeah”

“Maybe they want to call you oppa!” he joked and I spat my food glancing at MyungSoo shyly. He couldn’t have hear it. Right?

“Are you insane?”

“Hahahaha you never know”

“Nevermind, why are you calling?”

“I wanted to ask you for help, it’s our… mine and SungKyu’s half-year anniversary and I want to make a special event for him. Since you know him best I thought that maybe you could help”

“Oh sure, actually there’s one thing I also want to share with you, I’ll tell you once we meet”

“Are you free today?”

“In the evening?”  
“Cool”

“Okay, it’s a date then!”

I put the phone away and grabbed chopsticks to continue with my meal.

“Are you meeting with someone?”

Suddenly I felt that I should explain myself to him, “Yeah, my friend’s boyfriend has a business to do”

“I see”

“Yeah, what are you going to do?”  
“Today? I don’t know, maybe I’ll read something…”

Ah. What can he do alone. This is not good.

“Hey, if you call me hyung I will take you somewhere nice tomorrow”

He looked at me with his eyes full of hope, “really?”

“Yeah” I continued eating, “this is soo good” I changed the topic on purpose but was dying out of anxiety inside. _Please call me hyung that would be so cute_.

“H-“

“And do some aegyo” I quickly interrupted.

“Hy-ey!!!”

“Hahahhaa what?”

“That’s not fair~!”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“If I do aegyo then I decide what we do and where”

A thrill run through my body. What we do. And where. Sounded kind of...dirty. Ah screw it. I grinned. “Fine”

He pouted and looked at his lap. Did I miss something? But then he slowly looked up at me with puppy eyes and whined, “SungYeol hyung” prolonging the sounds. Then immediately he lay his head on the table and put his arms over his head in embarrassment.

Everything inside me exploded. I was sure I was going to get a heart attack. And that desire to crush him in a hug, oh god I’d anything just to see him calling me hyung like that again.

“Aish that’s so embarrassing” he lifted his head showing me his red face and teary eyes as he fans himself.

I couldn’t think of anything to say, I was just staring at him - even when embarrassed, he was still so good looking.

“What? Don’t tell me you aren’t satisfied”

I swallowed. “I am”

“Good” he quickly grabbed the plates and walked to the kitchen.

***

I was tapping my fingers against the table waiting for WooHyun. Couldn’t stop thinking about MyungSoo. I hope he won’t die of hiccups because I'm thinking about him so hard.

I felt a pat on my back and chocolate taste in my mouth as WooHyun came by.

“Yo, sorry I’m late”

“Hi, don’t worry”

“So what was the thing you wanted to talk about?” he sat in front of me, “Did you order already?” he rubbed his hands.

“I ordered coffee”

“Cool, so SungYeol what’s the news?”

“WooHyun I…” I didn’t quite know how to explain my state.

“Come on don’t feel shy unless you…”

“What?”

“...you aren’t going to confess, are you?”

I laughed like crazy straight into his face. He looked so serious. “Seriously?” I brushed my tears watching him shrug his shoulders, “What made you think that?”

“I don’t know, you seem kind of nervous”

“Because there aren’t many people whom I shared this with”

“Oh, but does SungKyu know?”

“yeah”

“Then hit me”

“You… Did SungKyu tell you about the list of…words I made?”

He smacked his lips and scratched his chin for a moment, “Oh, right! But he refused to explain it to me, is it somehow related?”

“Yeah” he was looking at me intently without saying a word so I continued, “I…made a list of words which…I’d prefer you not to use when I’m around”

“But I saw this list, they didn’t seem like, I don’t know, bad words?”

“Actually… I’m… I feel different tastes when I hear sounds”

“Like what do you mean? Do you feel it now?”

“All the time”

“Eeyy seriously?”

“Yeah, I’m a synesthete”

“Synae-what? Is this a disease?”

“No it’s…it’s a condition I don’t know how to explain it”

“You can’t stop feeling it?”

“Yeah”

“That’s … crappy”

“Oh, it is but there are also good sides, like when composing-“

“Aaaah I see”

“You do?”

“Well…I guess, some people claim to see ghosts so...”

“But I feel it for real”

“I didn’t say you don’t, if you are interested, I believe in ghosts”

“R-really?”

“Yeah, so… although it’s the first time I’ve heard about such a thing I still believe you”

“T-thanks, with you and SungKyu, the tastes aren’t that…strong... I don’t know how to explain it…”

“But we still should watch out for what we’re saying”

“No, I don’t want you to feel burdened... I asked SungKyu for this because he’s a long-time friend”

“So am I not your friend?”

“You are...”

“I will try to watch my words from now on”

“Thanks…”

“So what do words taste like? Does coffee taste like coffee?”

“No, it’s very rare for things to taste the same, I can only think about shrimps - shrimps taste like shrimps and hmmm…watermelon and something else I can’t recall now, there are so many tastes, sometimes they blend…”

“Oh, I see”

“I also see the auras”

“You do? What’s mine like? Somebody who once claimed to be able to see them too told me that mine is- wait I’ll tell you if he said the same after I hear what you see” he shifted in his seat leaning closer, “So what’s mine like?”

“It’s yellow, something like glittering, maybe a bit golden”

“Whoa daebak! So the person was right back then! I can’t believe my aura is golden! That person told me golden ones aren’t popular”

“True, I don’t see golden ones too often, but once somebody has it, it’s not difficult to overlook it among other colours”

“Should I feel special then?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, I haven’t found any particular function of them…and until recently I was the only person whose aura I couldn’t see”

“Are there any other people now?”

“Yeah, there is one… but I don’t want to talk about it now… I guess it’s too soon to draw any conclusions…”

“I see, okay, whoa unbelievable!”

I quickly gulped some of the coffee.

“Unbelievable?” He repeated and watched me taking another sip almost grabbing onto my arm feeling apologetic, “I’m sorry”

I coughed into the cup; a black stream dripping down my chin

“Damn, I’m not going to say anything anymore” he moved back and his hands under the table.

“It’s okay, don’t worry, coffee usually helps” I coughed

“I’m so-“ he stopped halfway remembering how it ended last time.

“ _Sorry_ is okay," I finished for him, " it tastes like chocolate but at the time you said it back then it just felt so intense”

“Ah, I see”

“But enough about me, don’t feel burdened please and speak comfortably, I’ve got my coffee here, it’d be fine, really”

“I’ll try…So SungKyu... I wanted to prepare something unforgettable for him

“Have you already had something on your mind?”

“Not really, everything I think of seems not good enough”

“SungKyu would just appreciate it if you two spent time at home”

“What’s special about staying at home?”

“But you know, he’s kind of lazy” I laughed

“That I already noticed”

“So if I were you I’d stay at home”

“Aigo”

“You know what? What if you teased him a bit?” I laughed, “Oh that would be so cool to see omg tell him to dress up and then cover his eyes, then take him for a ride not telling him where you are going. In the meantime I’ll get into your apartment and decorate it with some candles or whatever, I don’t know, you name it, and then just bring him back to the flat, I’m sure he’ll be delighted”

“Oh that’s so cool, could you also prepare a bath for us?”

“Whatever you decide on”

“We could eat something too…”

“Something light and good when gets cold, huh?”

“Yeah... but you have a point here”

We grinned.

“You gave me food for thoughts, thanks man”

“But when is this event? Means that my housewarming needs to be postponed, again?”

He laughed, “Sorry, if it’s fine with you I promise we make time in two weeks time”

“Aigo, okay, okay”

“It’s Friday, next Friday... will you manage to help me out? I’ll give you a call to confirm everything”

“Oh, sure, Friday it is then!”

***

In the evening I was lying in bed thinking about tomorrow. Where will MyungSooo take me? What are we going to do? Does he even know how to plan a date?

A date?

  
Why did I think that?

I was obviously thinking about a meeting. A meeting. I’d never go on a date with him. Maybe… I could go with a man… I guess… But definitely not MyungSoo. Right. No, wait, I wouldn’t go on a date with a man, what are you thinking Lee Sungyeol? Are you completely out of your mind?

It’s all WooHyun’s fault. And SungKyu’s. I don’t have anything against their relationship, of course I’m happy for them really, if being with another man makes them happy... I mean, it shouldn’t make a difference what sex you decide to form a relationship with, should it? Love is love. Aigo what am I, even.

I got up and left the bedroom feeling like playing the piano.

Lemon grass.

I didn’t know I could come up with so many combinations of lemon grass.

Cynnamon.

And marshmallows.

Haha it was so fresh. It made my heart flutter. Just like on a first day of spring when you feel so alive and full of hope for the future.

For a few moments my mind was at ease. Good thing I wrote it down. I’ll show it to MyungSoo.

I wonder if I should show it in company or keep it for myself. Aish, it feels so nice. Aiiiisshhhh I stretched my arms. Maybe I should go running? I looked at the clock, it was past midnight. Already this late? Damn, but sleeping is the last thing I feel like doing now.

Maybe I should go out, get something to eat?

My phone was still on the bed, I decided to grab it before leaving. Automatically I checked the screen and was surprised to see two messages. Both from MyungSoo.

**Are you sleeping?**

**Ah you must be sleeping. Contact me tomorrow when you wake up.**

It was less than twenty minutes that have passed since he sent the messages. Maybe he isn’t sleeping yet?

No. He is asleep. And even if he’s not, it’s not polite to call anyone in the middle of the night.

But calling him and hearing his voice made me strangely excited.

I pressed the call button and held my breath.

One beep.

Two.

Three.

Okay, he’s sleeping.

“Weird..?”

My heart jumped. He surprised me.

“...Hello?”

I cleared my throat, “Uh”

“What’s going on?”

“You asked me to contact you”

“But tomorrow morning? Are you already ready to start the new day?” he laughed

“No, I was playing the piano when you sent me texts, I thought that maybe it’s something important” I cringe because damn, he told me in no uncertain terms tomorrow >> _when you wake up_ <<

“It’s about tomorrow”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have hiking shoes?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m collecting them”

“What?”

“Come on Weird, what do you need hiking shoes for? For hiking of course hahaha you are so Weird I swear”

“What? You want to go hiking tomorrow?”

“Yes. And when I did aegyo I made sure you go with me, so do you have hiking shoes?”

“Yeah, I’ll have to look for them but I’m sure I have a pair”

“Great, we can meet near the Hanshin apartments at… around two?”

“Why? I could come pick you up”

“Yeah and you will make me call you hyung again, no thanks”

“I don’t know what’s your problem, really”

“Maybe we can talk about it tomorrow”

“But promise?”

“I don’t know”

“So should I pick you up?”

“If you insist”

“Fine, let’s say I do”

“Okay” he sang

“Whoa, really”

“What?”

“Nothing. You should go to sleep”

“You should go, tomorrow you have to have strength”

I cracked up, “Please! Hiking is my second name, I could go even now”

“Wait for me and let’s do it together tomorrow, I’m hangnig up~”

Now where are those shoes? I should better look for them now.

I was left with nothing after digging through the whole apartment. Must have thrown them away. Oh well, I’ll buy a new pair tomorrow. 


	8. cheesy mission

“Ah, I don’t remember the last time I was walking up Yongmasan and today’s weather is perfect for hiking”

“Yo! Weird!”

I turned around to see him taking a picture of me.

“You said you don’t like taking pictures of people”

“Why do you think I was taking a picture of you? I called you to move because I was trying to capture the view!” he laughed.

Damn I felt my cheeks burning. I turned around and picked up the pace.

“Ey, Weird!!! Weird!! Hey!!! _Hyung!_ ”

I stopped dead in my trucks. Was he referring to me?

“Hyung!”

It was his voice for sure. The grin appeared on my face involuntarily and I turned around to see him taking a picture of me for the second time. He walked up closer and walked past as if nothing happened. Then he turned around all grinning.

“Weird!!!”

That was enough. I tried to catch him but he turned around and started running. I couldn’t let him get away with that so I chased after him.

***

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get him even until we reached the top of the yongmasan; I was blessing that fact as the new shoes were killing me. I could already feel some blisters forming.

“Hey! You!” after making sure he sees me I slashed my finger against the throat then pointed my finger at him. But first I needed to rest for a while so I looked around for a free bench to sit on.

MyungSoo was walking around taking pictures of the landscapes. I wonder if some nice pictures would come out of it.

Man what a relief to feel the fresh air on my feet once I took them out of those crappy shoes. I’m going back wearing only socks, there’s no way I’m putting my feet under such torments again.

“Hey what’s wrong with you, get up!” The grin on his face faded away as soon as he saw my face and my shoes next to the bench.

“What happened?”

“I got a few blisters as we were walking up”

“How come? Why didn’t you take comfortable shoes? I asked you if you had a pair”

“It turned out I must have thrown it away and so I bought a new one this morning”

“You’ve got to be kidding me”

“Nope”

“And who told me that their second name was hiking? SungYeol come on, who wears new shoes for a hiking trip!” he sat next to me and looked pitifully at my feet. I didn’t take the socks off but judging by the small wet stain one of the blisters must have broke.

“I will manage somehow”

“What are you talking about it’s at least two hours walk”

“Let’s rest a bit and worry about it later”

“I can’t believe it”

“So, you know how to worry about others?”

Wow. What a side eye he gave me. “Fine, let’s wait, good thing I made some kimbab for us”

“You did?” I was on the verge of crying with joy when he took out two lunch boxes from his backpack.

“What’s hiking without kimbab?” he ate one piece and handed the box to me

“Whoa, I will be able to endure the walk back after eating this for sure”

“You could’ve told me that your feet hurt, we didn’t have to go all the way up here”

I shrugged my arms, “Once I set up my mind on something I have to achieve it, at any costs”

“Don’t you see that it’s kind of… stupid?”

“No” I answered firmly and hear him sigh.

“Oh so you got up here, wow amazing you made it but what’s the point really since you will be feeling pain for the next week”

“You called me hyung… it was worth it”

Did I make him uncomfortable? He went quiet so I continued

“Why do you refuse to call me hyung?”

“Why do you insist on me calling you that?”

“Because weird is not even a name and it kind of gives you a sense of kinship when you call your hyungs hyungs”

“Why? Getting closer will only leave everyone hurting in the end, so it’s better not to get close”

“But I think we already made some progress”

“Maybe the progress we’ve made so far is enough and we should stick to that”

I looked at him. He was staring blankly at the view in front of us. Who was he trying to fool? Saying one thing and doing the opposite like, why would you prepare food? Why would you want to go with me here if you don’t want to get close?

“What if I promise not to leave you? Would you call me hyun then?”

“I don’t want such promises from anyone” he packed the empty lunch boxes back to the backpack. I guess that was the end of the topic.

“MyungSoo?”

“Oh?”

“Are you free next Friday?”

“Why?”

Of course he would be, where could he go alone.

“Do you remember the friend who called me yesterday?” He nodded, so I continued, “He asked me to help him prepare a little event and I thought that maybe you would like to help me… I mean, you could just keep me company it’s no fun doing everything on my own”

“I’ll think about it”

“Thanks. Well, I guess it’s time to go back, ugh” I picked up the shoes.

***

The walk down took us way longer than we planned – by the time we reached the car it was already getting dark. MyungSoo didn’t pass a single word of complaint throughout the way back and he was carrying my backpack for me.

“Thank you” I winced taking the last step before I took off the shoes and throw them out of our sight.

“Hey, let’s stop by a pharmacy on our way back. I’ll go and get you something for your feet”

“Thanks, it would be weird if I walked in wearing only socks, right?” I chuckled

“Yeah”

How I loved the way he fights with his cracking smile and eventually loses.

***

He insisted on going up to my flat to check on me. I told him I can take care of myself but he refused to believe me.

He ordered me around as if I was a child: take a shower, wash your feet with soap, don’t remove the flap skin of the broken blisters, damn I couldn’t get him off my back like he almost went into the bathroom with me. Tsk.

I turned on the water and damn the burning sensation was unbearable. Just why didn’t I tell him earlier that we should have turned back. But he called me hyung, ah…

He even called me by my name!

And, he’s waiting for me to finish. I don’t want him to waste his time, he has work tomorrow morning too. I should hurry up.

Rinsing quickly.

Drying quickly.

“I’m done!” I opened the door grinning.

He was sitting on the sofa and smiling at the camera – he was probably going through the pictures he's taken today. He raised his head and glanced at me once before he avoided to look at me, his eyes fixed on the nonexistent point in the space.

“What? Not going to order your hyung around anymore?” _Did he just blush??_

“Hyu-…Su-…” he coughed, “Hey! What took you so long?” he stood up glanced at me quickly and his stare was everywhere but not on me.

“I did the fastest I could, look I didn’t even dry my hair properly”

“Oh!” he blinked a few times, it looked kind of unnatural, “Aren’t you going to dress up?”

“Huh?” I looked at the towel around my waist, “I slept at your place yesterday and you didn’t seem to mind”

“It was d-dark” he mumbled, “Aish, nevermind! Come here, sit down, let’s get it over with”

I sat next to him and put my foot on my knee to examine it a little, “maybe it’s not that bad after all”

“Come on, this one is torn and open for infection” he leaned closer to examine it better, his face was too close to my foot so I quickly put it down earning a surprised expression on his face.

“Put your legs here, I’ll help you” he patted his laps

“Why…no way, are you…? What are you a nurse or something, please” I felt hot on the face.

“I feel responsible for this, please let me help you deal with it”

“But…I…”

“Hyung!”

He said it, he used the worst weapon. I sighed and let him do the thing.

***

Starting from Monday morning I realised how much I missed him. My feet didn’t hurt that much but since they weren’t perfectly fine either even little things irked me to no end. And I had another meeting with the lyricist.

Again, I don’t have anything against him, but this guy needs to be replaced; he rewrote some parts but still, it just doesn’t fit. I don’t want to look like I’m giving myself airs because I was successful abroad. Everybody here is my sunbae I should know my place but on the other hand it will be signed with my name as well so I can’t agree to mediocre things. Maybe I should talk with SungKyu. But why am I not able to make decisions myself? It’s the same with my trip to America - if it hadn’t been for SungKyu… Well, I have to work on that.

As if that wasn’t enough, CEO decided to make two meetings this week. Two. And the first one was scheduled on Monday afternoon. Brilliant. It was announced without any further notice. I hope it goes smoothly because I’ve had enough of feeling nauseous for today.

It was about the recording which was soon to start and on some new projects for the rookie group where I was in charge for two songs. That was a good thing, as much as K. Will is an established musician and he already needs a particular type of songs, these rookies - I’m really looking forward to the project.

As usual, after work I received a call from SungKyu.

“What’s up, hyung? How was your day?”

“Hey, I guess no matter how bad mine is, it’s always better than yours hahaha how did the meeting go?”

“I won’t lie to you that it was easy, but I’ll be working on some rookie group songs”

“Hey that’s awesome! I’m really looking forward to it”

“Ah, but it’s not going to happen anytime soon, it takes time haha but you know there’s one thing that’s bothering me”

“What is it?”

“The lyricist I’m working with now… I know I’m a newbie in this company so it’s kind of difficult for me, and he’s my sunbae…”

“What about him?”

“I don’t think his lyrics are good... I mean, maybe they are but I just don’t see him writing them... I don’t know, meeting him is a horror really, his choice of words... Not only that, it tastes…ugh, even after tons of rewriting it still seems so-so and it still doesn’t match well with the music..." I sighed, "...do you understand? Fuck, how am I supposed to agree to this? It's not that I can tell them the truth”

“And the problem is that you don’t want it to look as if you are presumptuous?”

“yeah like I only came here and want to do it my way”

“But SungYeol aren’t you appointed as a producer?”

“I…” I sighed, guess he was right, again.

“You see”

“But even if I am one it’s not that everything depends on me, there’s still the ceo”

“Do you know anyone who would do better as a lyricist?”

“Haven’t thought about it”

“Think about it then, find out what will suit you…or rather what would suit the song best and just pay a visit to the ceo. If you had it thoroughly planned instead of only complaining about the other guy, you would definitely look more professional; just try and convince the ceo to your point of view”

“Isn’t it still a bit-“

“Hey, you made it big once, if you convince him enough it might work out, but you have to be sure of what you do, right?”

“Guess so…”

“Are you?”

“Yeah”

“I don’t think so”

“I am! Thanks!”

“Keep me updated on that”

“Yeah… SungKyu?”

“Oh?”

“Recently something strange’s been happening” I parked the car ready to get out.

“What? Are you sick or something?”

“I met somebody who-“

“Waahahaha you did? Who is it? Do I know her?”

“It’s…Wait, wait, what I wanted to say is that when this person is around…” I unlocked the door to my flat and took off my shoes

“What about the person?”

“I lose my abilities”

“What? How? You don’t feel it anymore?”

“I do, it only happens when the person is around, it’s like…he’s like a shelter”

“ _He?_ So it’s a guy? What’s that all about? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m telling you now” I trolled

“You know it’s not what I meant”

“I thought that maybe it was only coincidence, only happening once but it happens every time I’m with him, for as long as he's next to me, everything just disappears”

“It’s a relief, huh?”

“Like hell, I feel like an ordinary person, I’m resting, my mind relaxes but…”

“What?”

“I don’t know, you’re going to laugh”

“Come on”

“My mind is relaxed but my body gets tensed up and it’s uncomfortable and all…”

“Phahahahhahahha”

“Hyung!”

“I’m sorry you are just so hopeless sometimes, like a baby”

“I’m not going to comment on that but at least from you I was expecting something else than laughter”

“What do you want me to say? You go figure it out yourself”

“Nevermind, tell me about your day”

“Ah it wasn’t special, actually I had a question to you, but I guess after laughing at you I’m at my dongsaeng’s bad side now and I’m an underdog at this moment”

“Hit me”

“You know that we’re having a small anniversary with WooHyun”

“You do? What month is it? Oh god how this time flies~~” I hope he bought it

“You didn’t know anything?”

“How would I know, did you tell me? No. You see?”

“Damn”

“But what’s going on?”

“Woohyun’s going to take me out somewhere”

“That’s cool”

“But it’s Friday evening, I’d be dead tired and I don’t want to be a spoilsport and ruin the night”

I covered the mic while chuckling at him, “When you feel that it can’t be worse, you just have to smile”

“You and your advice”

“What? What?”

“Nothing”

“Remember about it. Just smile.”

“Yeah, yeah, fine. Okay, I’ll be going now, WooHyun's finished showering”

“Say hi to him for me”

“Okay`~~”

“You can tell him about the person if you want to”

“Okay~~ Sleep tight~~”

“I’m an adult stop saying that”

“You are forever my dongsaeng, Yeollie”

“Oh, goodnight hyung, thanks for everything”

“Yeah~”

I guess I should shower too, it was a tough day.

Abrasions on my feet were much better today, they hardly burn under water. But it made me think about MyungSoo. I wonder how was his day, he hasn’t contacted me at all. He could’ve at least asked me how me feet are. Oh, I’m running out of body wash, need to get another one soon. MyungSoo’s one smells nice, what was it again? I furrowed my brows trying to remember the name but I couldn’t. Luckily, I remember what the bottle looks like. Ah his body wash smells really nice, especially nice on him and his beddings…

I rinsed myself with icy-cold water to shoo the thoughts about MyungSoo away. Thinking about your…friend in the shower is kind of... _weird_. 

I put the medication on the abrasions and picked some rice from the fridge. Plain rice eaten in quiet is the only thing to let my mind relax after a tiring day.

My phone vibrated.

**How are your feet? any better?**

Better, thanks, what are you doing?

**Watching tv, you?**

Eating rice

**Rice with…?**

Just plain rice ;D

**Okay, I can see you’re trying to coax me into cooking something for you**

No, I’m not. But since you suggested that yourself… ;-)

**Hyungs should treat their dongsaengs and not the other way round**

But I’m not your hyung

**You are! Hyung hyung**

You are so cheap

**Hyungnim *aegyo***

Fine I’ll treat you 

**When?**

I don’t know, there’s one thing I have to deal with this week, oh btw will you help me out on Friday?

**Since you promised to treat me then fine, I’ll help you out**

It’s Friday at 7:30

**Ok as longs as you treat me ;)**

Thanks!!!

***

I had a whole week to think about what to do with the lyrics but nothing practical came to my mind, even writing myself, I spent two evenings sitting over the piece of paper but nothing. Nothing. Soon, Friday approached and there was nothing on my mind except for the event. And MyungSoo. Somehow, MyungSoo was always on my mind.

***

I let him leave the elevator first which he did – he walked in front of me with his back a little hunched as if he felt uneasy in a new place. Carrying all bags filled up with all the necessary things to carry out the plan, it looked as if we were living together and were just walking back from grocery shopping.

Such a domestic feel. Domestic yet there’s something exciting about it.

I tilted my head and took a look at his calves. Today was the warmest day of the year so far and it’s the first time I saw him wearing shorts. His calves seemed firm and thick, does he go to the gym?? Wait, why do I even care.

“It’s here” I announced and he immediately turned around; his hands stretched and pointing at both door on both sides of the corridor

“Which one is it?”

“Left. Can you enter the code for me?”

“Sure”

“0827”

“Ah, you must come here often, you know the code by heart” he noticed as we were walking in

“It’s my birthday date” I grinned at his surprised face

“But didn’t you say that your friend has a lover? w-why your bday?”

“Woohyun’s forever holding grudges against me for it - since the moment he learned that it’s my birthday” I laughed. We took off our shoes and left them in the corner

“But why?”

“To be honest my entry code is SungKyu’s birthday date, too” I picked up the box and the bags and motioned for him to follow me. “SungKyu is like my older brother, he said that he wants his door to be always open for me… I guess he thought that the only combination I’d never forget is my birthday date”

“Wow that’s cute, he really cares about you” he smiled at me and I felt an unimaginable urge to stroke my nape.

“Yeah, I guess”

We looked at each other in silence when he suddenly chuckled.

“What?”

“Wait, is your friend gay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing, nothing”

I didn’t like the way he was looking at me right now. “Whaaaat?”

“No, nothing”

“Nothing my ass” I saw that little smirk on his face, it definitely meant something.

We started the preparations: I was in charge of food and the bath and told MyungSoo to light some candles in the bedroom.

I was taking the bucket with ice and champagne to the bathroom when MyungSoo came out:

“Is there anything else you want me to help you with?” He hid his hands into the front pockets and looked so unbelievably …cute.

I looked around the room and asked him to get rid of the empty wrappings from the kitchen while I carried the champagne.

I almost jumped when he appeared in the bathroom quietly.

“It’s so nice”

“Wait for the lights to be killed” I squeezed past him in the door to turn off the lights. The bathroom was filled with weak orangey glow of several candles.

“Waaa” he walked closer to the bathtub full of warm water and fragrant foam. “You should make a heart with the petals from the bedroom here,” he turned around, his face was beaming

“Naaaay, too cheesy”

“Oh come on, it would be so romantic, I’ll bring some from the bedroom” and he just went out to fetch some, aish he’s crazy.

Soon, we were looking at a clumsy red heart floating on the foam, well I must admit it was kind of cute.

“wow, your friends are deabak really, to come up with such a romantic evening! I’m so jealous, I want somebody to take care of me like this too”

Suddenly my heart started beating stronger and I felt hot in the face. “Actually that’s... my idea, Woohuyn asked me for help and…”

In a flash he turned to look at me with his sparkling eyes, “Really?”

I nodded my head in silence. His face and his lips looked so appealing in the faint orange light, I felt an irresistible urge to touch him. In the quiet room I stretched my hand with intention to stroke his arm when a signal of unlocking the door was heard. Even in the faint light I saw his pupils dilated in fear and I was absolutely sure mine did the same. It felt as if we were caught on doing something inappropriate.

“Quickly” I whispered and pulled him by the hand to the bedroom. “We should’ve left five minutes ago” what’s wrong with this time???

“Let’s hide! hide!” he was jumping and turning around, if I wasn’t so stressed I’d surely pass a comment about this cute behaviour.

We looked around. MyungSoo jumped at the wardrobe but as soon as he opened it the panic grew even stronger as it was full of shelves - there was no way we could hide there.

“Under the bed!” I waited until he squeezes there first and slide right after him just in time before SungKyu and WooHyun mindlessly fell into the room being sure that they are alone as usual.

“GyuGyu there’s a bath ready for us, don’t you want to dip in and relax after a tiring day?”

GyuGyu my ass. I wish I hadn’t heard it. I shut my eyes tight completely unaware what’s happening around me. Please don’t let them do this now please don’t let them do this here please god oh please, please. I will do anything you want just grant this one lowly wish of mine, my whole life depends on it, please.

Their words become more bold, too intimate for me to hear it. I opened my eyes and even before they accommodated to the twilight I could sense it that I was in a very uncomfortable position and it only made me wonder if I’d been like this since the very moment I got under the bed.

Why the hell would he lie on his back?

My arm was wrapped around his chest and only now I could feel it moving up and down still a little frantically and my face was way too close to his; I was too preoccupied with SungKyu and WooHyun getting into the room that I didn’t even notice my position.

It made me hold my breath immediately. Suddenly, it got quiet and I could only imagine what was happening above us when something squeezed inside my stomach. What would MyungSoo call his lover in bed? I thought about YeolYeol and all kinds of Yeol that would escape his mouth in between heavy breaths in his low deep voice... it must be such a sacred view I mean... ouch!

I was looking at him all the time without really seeing him and only after he pinched me did I come back to reality.

“What are you doing?! Let’s get out of here!”

“W-what?”

“Come on they left for bathroom some time ago!” he was already pushing me away; why was he pushing me away? I don’t want him to push me away, wait, what? They left?

“Really?”

“Yes, move!!” He grunted trying to push me out

Next moment we were tiptoeing through the living room before we get out onto the staircase holding our shoes in our hands. I leaned against the wall watching him put on his shoes with a grin on his face.

“That was crazy”

“When did they walk out?”

“GyuGyu changed his mind when the other offered him a massage,” he chuckled, “It was a few moments after they got on the bed, but pheeew that was so close I thought we’d have to listen to them…” he paused and glued his eyes to the floor embarrassed.

When we were lying there under the bed it was as if the time stopped for me. Why didn’t I notice anything except for his smell, his breath on me, his chest moving up and down and his heart beating so frantically…

“Sungyeol”

“Huh?”

“You’re spacing out, it must have been some serious shock for you, wasn’t it?”

“Y-yeah”

“But you promised to treat me” he said happily with a sincere smile on his face, “come on, I’ll help you get distracted from all that” he was pointing his thumb at SungKyu’s door.

As soon as a firm “No” escaped my mouth his smile withered.

“Why?”

“I’m sorry, I’ll treat you another time, something came up and I forgot to tell you about it”

“Oh I see, it’s fine….” he was patting down his hair most obviously feeling uncomfortable - did he know I was lying? Well, technically I wasn't lying there was just something extremely important for me to do - the lyrics. 

“Myung-“

“I guess I’ll be going then” even with a forced smile he looked amazing. Wait. No.

“T-thanks for today”

“It’s nothing, I wouldn’t have anything better to do anyways”

I felt my stomach squeeze, okay I really don’t want to be apart from him, I really don’t want to cancel our today’s meeting I really regret lying that I have other things to do, but it’d look strange if I suddenly change my mind. “I…can drive you back home-“

“Thanks, I’ll walk, it’s not far away from here and … a walk would… feel nice...”

SungYeol, you are so stupid! So stupid! You idiot! Why why why do you push him away when you want him by your side, why?

I came back to reality hearing his voice

“Have a nice evening” he waved at me and turned around and walked away leaving me in a state of a mental breakdown. Why why why why w h y? I was punching my head until I felt dizzy.


	9. getting to know each other III

After I left him like a total dumbass that I was, I went back home to work on the lyrics. I guess writing in emotions and about emotions helped me worked out something about my own... emotions... Ugh, just see for yourselves.

I sat down and played the song the lyrics of which were giving me a headache and nausea as well - just why it didn’t go well together?

I was looking at the piece of paper in front of me, my mind was blank. I tried going through the lyrics the man wrote one more time. Okay, one thing is that KWill is a composer himself, second, the song is not going to be even his title track… third, it’s more like a test for me… I wonder what would MyungSoo say… he’s his fan… maybe I should call him… aigo, did I let him down today? Did I let him down just like other people had done before?

_ Lay back, I won’t hurt you _   
_ Lay back, I’ll get back and watch you _

Tsk. MyungSoo. What would it all look like if you were here with me? 

My head rested in my arm while I imagined the scene; like, I could sit here and compose while he’d read or do whatever. A small smile crept on my face without me even noticing it. And, every time I'd feel like it I could turn around and watch him, or make him smile or just be there for him so he won’t be lonely by himself. Because no matter how I look at it, he is special.

  
_Say you love me, Baby hug me  
Oh tell me I’m the only one _

  
  
Ugh. But he’d never say it.... not that I’d ask him to give me all his love and call me the only one - that’d be just ridiculous, he’s a man after all…

I suddenly remembered about the moment when I told him we were just having fun watching the concert at my place and how he immediately become upset… Did anyone force anything on you? 

_ Give me your love as much as you can give  
Give me your joy as much as you can give  
Not too much, I won’t pressure you  
Lay back, lay back, lay back _

But slowly, we’ve been getting on quite well? I guess he must be comfortable with me, right? Or, maybe, it’s only my imagination? He still refuses to call me hyung though… That one moment when he called me hyung with aegyo while we were eating.., why did I immediately feel attracted to him? He’s no joke with that voice and aegyo and his flower-boy face… 

But because of that face he suffers... people are attracted only to his outer appearance and it’s the only thing they are interested in when interacting with him…

_ I will become your shadow and always be by your side  
Just stick to me so that anyone can look and be jealous  
Even in my dreams, I only draw you out  
Do you know my heart?  
Lay back Lay back, walk slowly  
Lay back Lay back, don’t fall  
Lay back Lay back  
Lay back Lay back (Say you love me baby) _

I read the part with dreams again and bit my lip. Ah. It was the only time I had such a dream to do... _things_ with him. Erase it erase it erase it! God, erase it!

However…

When we were lying there in his bed, it felt so nice to have him in my arms, to hold him and comfort him during hard times, and we were both half naked and at that time doing lustful things with him wasn’t the most important thing.

“Lustful” I chuckled. What am I even....

I’d like to hold his hand…

…and not let it go. 

_ Cause I’m falling in love  
The more I get to know you, the more curious I get  
If I don’t see you  
I worry if something happened to you _

I stared in space for a while before I wrote the last part:

_ After we say our goodbyes  
I get so sad that I hold your hands  
And ask for you to be next to me for five minutes  
Just until this night is over _

The pencil I enthusiastically threw on the table bounced off and fell onto the floor. I picked my phone and car keys and left to found myself in a place I… belong. 

Twenty minutes later, with a thumping heart and chicken and beer I was standing in front of his door. He won’t be mad, will he?

With every second, the courage and bloated excitement were running out of me like air from a popped balloon.

I gulped and pressed on the doorbell.

Nothing.

I tried again, a bit longer.

And again.

“MyungSoo are you home?”

I leaned closer in hope for any sound to meet my ear when the lock clicked and sleepy MyungSoo appeared in front of me. 

“SungYeol?” He was squinting at the excessive amount of light, rubbing his eyes and he looked so wonderfully cute. 

“H-hi~~” I sang

“What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night”

“But the chicken…it’s...” I hit myself in the forehead as soon as the reality hit me – it’s 24/7, how long was I stuck there on the lyrics? “Damn, I…”

I didn’t know what to say, but then I heard his laughter

“Come in, let’s not waste the food”

*** 

“Here”

He handed me an open can. I was about to accept it but then hesitated - maybe we should eat and I will just go home.

“Come on,” he insisted, “you stayed once, I don’t mind if you stay twice”

I accepted the can and returned the smile. The warmth that crept into my stomach made it squeeze or do flips I don’t even know, but it was so… nice. 

“Tsk, I haven’t had anyone sleeping over for some time, it’s a nice feeling”

I didn’t know what to say - was it a nice feeling in general or is it nice only when _I_ sleep over?

No, why would I even think such things… I drank a bit and he just drank his beer too and the silence between us was heavy - I could tell it felt different.

“Wait, I’ll show you something,” he shooted up and went to his room, his bare feet leaving smacking sounds on the floor. I sighed. 

He came back, gave me the pile of printed photos and casually went on to dug on the chicken’s leg. 

“What’s this?”

“Our pictures”

I watch him lick his fingers and move closer, his finger moving centimetres above the picture so as not to stain it while he explains, “Look at the contrast here, and the shape of the clouds here” 

It was hard to focus on the pictures when he was licking his fingers after almost each bite.

“And here, how the sun illuminates your hair from the back, ah, I’m a pro”

  
“That’s me?!”

“Yeah” he laughed

“I thought you said you wouldn’t take pictures of me?”

He shrugged his shoulders and I continued watching, until I came across the last ones - the ones we took the last time I was sleeping over. The uncomfortable feeling from back then came back. But I couldn’t take my eyes off the photo. Let’s just skip the part where I look like a pot-smoker with my glassy eyes and unconscious stare, most definitely being intoxicated by the emotions at that time, but MyungSoo… his eyes, it looked as if they were smiling... but at the same time not.

He moved closer again so I quickly shuffled the photos so that another one was on top of the pile in my hands.

“Oh! This was priceless!!” his face lit up, “a moment before you thought I was taking a picture of you” he laughed so dearly while covering his mouth, it was so like him, it made me want to hug him, I love his laugh.

“Yeah, yeah just admit it that I’m the perfect model”

“if only you didn’t have that half eyebrows!” he wiped his fingers with a napkin, all smiley.

I couldn’t not grin when I saw him smiling like that. Even if he was mocking me.

“Hey, it can’t be that bad”

“It’s not, really” I watched him lift his hand and brush my curly bangs a little off my forehead, “I think it’s cute”

I couldn’t stand the way he was looking at me, and his touch. “MyungSoo s-stop”

“Why?” he tilted his head watching me. 

I know, I must be out of my mind but it just popped out:

“Because it makes me fall for you”

His face went serious for a while. As if he was trying to detect if what I’ve just said was honest. All the trust issues he claimed to have had, I’m not blaming him. I send him a faint smile hoping he’d understand that I’m not going to force him into anything. But more than that I don’t know why I felt as if my smile was somewhat apologetic.

He didn’t look away when he announced in his low melody voice, “Feel free to do so, I like it,” and then his shy kitty smile appeared, which made the level of my courage skyrocket.

“Will you also like…” my mouth was so dry, I swallowed out of nervousness, I guess. I put the pictures somewhere on the floor without even looking where they landed.

My hand automatically found his cheek. He didn’t back away and so the butterflies in my stomach went wild.

I wasn’t thinking…

…when I saw his half-closed eyes directed at _my lips.  
_

What was happening in my chest if that wasn’t a heart attack.

A heart attack.

My lips on his… or maybe his lips on mine… the touch felt so intimate. His lips were greasy and tasted like chicken but it felt wonderfully right.

I don’t even know when, but I pulled him closer; he was sitting on my lap now while we were kissing the life out of each other.

When I felt his hand under my tee it was when he chuckled into the kiss and it was over.

Not totally over though.

I was watching him with my mouth open, I had to make sure it was him. That he was real. His eyes, lips, his neck and… omfg the erection built up under his pyjama shorts.

He pushed my chin up and obviously noticed my eyes open wide in shock, he obviously heard my racing heart, couldn’t have missed my burning cheeks, I was paralysed.

Deep shade of scarlet crept on his cheeks too which made him look even hotter than I’ve ever seen him before.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and I felt his breath on my face. God, I felt everything I swear, I wished somebody had put some ice on my earlobes, they were boiling. “Sometimes... when you’re kissing somebody hot such things happen,” he shrugged his shoulders; he didn’t seem a bit shy about his little _situation_.

  
He moved slightly getting ready to get up when I grabbed his arm and didn’t let him leave.

“Do you think I’m hot?”

My heart was just beating every possible record of number of heartbeats in a second.

“You…shouldn’t have moaned into the kiss…”

“This is not…What?!”

“What? I’m sorry it just-“ he was ruffling hair at the back of his head

“MyungSoo…”

“Oh?”

I took him by surprise letting our lips become one again, but he was quickly kissing me back. At this moment his lips were my air.

I’d never thought that a man’s lips could be so captivating nor had I thought that a man’s lips could taste so well and go so well with mine.

I was hardly moving, lying on my side and admiring his sleeping face. His slightly parted lips, damn I wish he woke up now because I felt like kissing him again.

I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want to eat nor drink I only want to feel his lips on mine, and his hands on my body.

Touching him came unnaturally easy for me, unnaturally…natural . Maybe because the touch wasn’t anything extreme, just his butt and arms, chest and his legs but only up to his thighs.

How should I…?

I bit my lips. I wanted it.

No, I didn’t want it. I would fail.

But I’m a man too, I should know what to do, right?

But wouldn’t it feel strange to touch another man _there_?

But I just survived a few heated kissing sessions and they were all amazing and-

“Yeol?”

I felt his warm hand on my cheek and I panicked. Did he see what I was looking at? Of course he did, he’s not retarded.

I looked up at him to see his reassuring smile. “It’s all right, you can touch”

He pulled my hand in between his legs and I thought I was going to explode. I guess I fought back right before the contact so his grip loosened as if he didn’t want to force anything on me, but I wanted it. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly when I felt his balls and his length through the thin loose fabric of his shorts.

The contact made me feel kind of high, it was so surreal. I opened my eyes to see him watching me attentively as if it was him touching me instead. Hesitantly, I moved closer, it was too stuffy in here I needed his lips to breathe. He must have read it in my face or something as next moment we were sharing a lazy lip lock.

My cupping moves become more confident, soon I let his balls go to focus on something more engorged. He was half-hard and when I squeezed him, it twitched. MyungSoo breathed out in the kiss before he backed a little. Guess he found a new source of pleasure now.

“Hey”

“Yeah?” he answered with his husky voice

“Turn on the night lamps”

He had those little lamps hanging on the wall which he used instead of a night lamp.

“Why?”

“I want to see how good my touch feels”

I didn’t know I could be this blatant. He leaned back as much as he could without moving his lower part, so that my hand stayed where it was, and he turned on the lights. I squinted my eyes at first and saw him covering his eyes with his arm, too.

When I got used to the light I palmed him once to make him move. It worked, he was looking at me again. At my lips to be exact.

I couldn’t resist his magnetic stare, even if I was dead tired and he looked at me like this, even if I was dying I’d not refuse kissing those perfect lips.

My hand was moving on him as if I’ve done it countless times before. His eyes were closed, his lips parted as he’s breathing deep, but that’s not how it should look like.

I bit my lip and slipped my hand under his shorts making him gasp and open his eyes in surprise. It seemed as if his length was heavier in my hand that when I held my own. And the curve of his head was more noticeable when I started pumping. His chest flew up immediately, almost as if he bounced off the bed after falling.

Damn, it was turning me on. Hard.

“MyungSoo can I-“

“Yes”

I chuckled. he didn’t even know what I was going to ask him. “Does it feel good?”

“Oh”

“Will you cum?”

I was surprised with my own words. His reaction showed that he felt no different. He moaned and thrusted his hips up, the only thing that seemed subdued was his eyes; covered with the mist of lust

“S-SungYeol”

“What?” I was getting no less aroused than he was

“I will-” he bit his lip, was just too beautiful, I wanted to see him like this always, all day every day and every night, I’m sleeping with lights turned on from now on. “I’m-“ he was looking at me all this time when, at one point, his body just stiffed; his manhood pulsating in my grip while it gets covered with warm goo. Strangely, it didn’t feel disgusting at all. But the most amazing thing was to see that short glitter of bliss in his eyes – it was better than the sunset, better than the clear night sky, better than the branches full of leaves waving in the wind, it was just the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my whole life. I guess I’ve never seen it in anyone’s eyes before too, I was always too focused on the pleasure and closed eyes myself.

I grabbed a tissue from the box and when I looked back at him he was all beaming, grinning at me but there was this ultimate bliss on his face .

“Normally I last longer”

I can’t believe he said it.

“Shut up”

He laughed. “But I mean i-“ I rushed to cover his mouth and we played like that for a short while, giggling and pouncing in between the sheets of his bed.

I fell down next to him, with an arm under my head: “We should sleep in my bed, it’s bigger and-“ Wait, what am I even…? it’s not that I expected that after a few kisses and a handjob we will be…what will we be? Boyfriends?

I felt his finger in between my furrowed eyebrows and it brought me back to reality.

“Of course we could, but smaller bed means sticking closer to each other, doesn’t it?”

His smile made me calm and excited at the same time “You…”

“What?” he shook his head in a cute manner and I beckoned him to come closer which he did so I was able to pull him closer and kiss him again. He let his body rest on mine, I didn’t mind it. I didn’t until he started kissing my jaw and my neck after what he moved south and lower. I couldn’t control my breathing, I guess I was making strange sounds.

“MyungSoo” I lifted my head up when I felt my trousers being pulled down.

“Relax, I won’t bite it off,” he grinned. Bite it off, bite it off, _bite it off omg_

“Are you planning to…? Oh god,” I bit my lips and clenched my fists on the bedsheet, “…you...”

“What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?”

“I-I-I-I…,” I swallowed, “…I’ve never-“ I saw his eyes growing big

“Are you a virgin?”

“N-no but I’ve never…Wait, I mean, I don’t even know what you are trying to do but if you’re trying to do what I think you’re trying to…” I looked to the side feeling a bit embarrassed that maybe my imagination went too far.

“I will let you experience something new then,” he raised his eyebrows and it was so damn hot, my face was burning.

“I know you want it…and I want it, too”

His hand on me made me whimper. I had to let go of my lower lip because breathing through nose wasn’t possible anymore; he was rubbing little shapes in my pubic hair dangerously close to the jackpot but he must be doing this on purpose.

“W-why are you teasing me?”

“I was waiting for you to say something, you know you sound so dreamy when you’re aroused, don’t you?”

I shook my head nervously, his smile brought some warmth into my chest and I relaxed a little, just a little.

“Tell me, SungYeol, what do you want me to do? I want to hear your voice”

“I...” I swallowed loudly, “where were you hiding this side of you?”

He grinned showing me his dimples, “I guess I never knew there was such a side, your voice turned me this way”

I felt his breath on my precious part and held my breath.

“So tell me SungYeol , what do you want me to do?”

His hot breath on me was driving me crazy. I wanted to scream, shout it at the top of my lungs that he should just suck me off, but damn was that okay?

The quiet room become full of my shaking voice when he licked me from the bottom to the head. Oh fuck.

“Is this the right thing to do?” He teased.

I looked into his eyes and almost melted, a whispered, “yes” escaped my mouth and I wasn’t a least bit embarrassed that there was another man’s head hovering above my fully-erected member.

I cleared my throat, “MyungSoo…”

I trust you.

At first I wasn’t really sure what was happening - _my friend_ buried in his mouth, but his head covers the view, but the warmth and slickiness felt amazing and his tongue twisting and teasing, it was amazing.

Then he lifted his head up to catch his breath and to look into my eyes, while he was pumping on me with his hand. Damn I wondered why my mouth was hurting when it was him who worked on me and then I realised I was grinning.

He grinned back, “You like it?”

I nodded my head and watched him go down on me again - he wasn’t going all way down so I had a better view and it was such a turn on to see him working on me, “This position suits you” my voice sounded husky in my ears.

He moaned in response sending shiver up my spine, my body was trembling with his every move.

I decided he should know.

“I’m close, but I don’t want to cum yet... it feels so good, MyungSoo”

I was pleading, and begging and calling his name in fever, getting louder as the end was creeping closer but when I was on the verge of losing it, I felt a burning sensation in my butt and then I released into his mouth, hard.

My whole body was trembling in excitement.

And he swallowed everything.

“Oh god you really did it, fuck, oh I-wait, did you just stick something up my ass?”

“Maybe” he answered singing in an innocent voice 

“You stuck your finger there?! For real?!”

I sat up and watched him shrug his shoulders, still grinning “Didn’t it feel nice?”

“Are you serious?” I looked at him grinning proudly like a small child who just ate a candy behind his parent’s back “I…”

He lied down right next to me breathing heavily after the effort he’d been making, and my attention turned to his damp bangs which I brushed up his forehead. “I don’t know about the finger but everything else was on point, I enjoyed it with all my… well, it was amazing”

“Lay back, your heart is racing, you Weir…SungYeol” his cute laugh and warm stare felt like home. He didn't call me weird but used my name instead. I turned to the side to snuggle into his chest and felt his hand stroking my head, lulling me to sleep.

“It’s… so…nice…” my eyelids felt heavy under the scent of his body.


	10. getting to know each other IV

“SungYeol, SungYeol!”

A warm hand on my shoulder immediately made me wake up from my shallow dream.

I saw him standing at the bed and events from last night started flashing through my head. It really happened. We really did it, it really felt amazing.

I smiled at him.

Does he feel the same about yesterday?

“MyungSoo...” I lifted my hand up to reach his face, he smiled and grabbed it halfway intertwining our fingers before he leaned to kiss me.

“hey, why are you up?”

“Why are you sleeping?” he chuckled “it’s way past lunchtime. I’m a heavy sleeper but you-” he laughed “-don’t you think you exaggerate too much?”

“I…don’t…What time is it?”

“It’s way past lunchtime and your phone doesn’t stop vibrating”

  
“Oh? Really?”

“Yes, I brought it here, oh look! You see?”

I opened the case and noticed an incoming call from TaeWoo - the man from lyrics calling.

“H-hi, what’s happening?”

“I got a call from the management, they want to see how the work goes on Monday. I was thinking…maybe we could meet and work on the details so that they are satisfied”

I scrunched my face at the thought of the meeting. Accidentally, I glanced at MyungSoo who was watching me attentively and mouthing, “what, what?”

An idea just popped into my mind. “Wait a second” I covered the microphone and turned to MyungSoo, “Would you like to go with me somewhere?”

He pointed at himself surprised and nodded his head quickly.

“Thanks,” I returned to the conversation, “Okay, I’ll drop by at your place in… like… I don’t know…two hours?”

“Great, I’ll be waiting, I thought about some corrections”

“Okay, see you then”

***

“TaeWoo, this is MyungSoo, MyungSoo…” I pointed my hand and TaeWoo, “…we are working on the lyrics together”

I was trying with all my might to be serious and not to give it away with my eyes or anything about what had happened between us. I looked at his beautiful face, hoping that he knows how I feel and at the same time, that it doesn’t show on my face for the rest of the world. That MyungSoo is... I still don’t know what he is for me. A very, very important person. I guess TaeWoo hasn’t noticed anything as he just popped up a question:

“Where’s your coffee?” and then he turned to Myungsoo to give a further explanation, laughing, “…You see MyungSoo, whenever we work, SungYeol downs at least four big cups of Americano”

I laughed nervously, “I slept well tonight”

With the corner of the eye I saw MyungSoo throwing me a surprised look as if he’s worrying about my supposed insomnia. Okay, I’ll explain everything to him later.

We discussed the lyrics again, this time it was a new experience for me not to feel any tastes, and actually the lyrics didn’t sound that bad without all those excessive tastes but still, there was something missing there.

It was easier for me to go through the meeting today, I haven’t felt nauseous or disgusted, it was a nice new experience, thanks to my MyungSoo.

We got quite into a discussion, and Internet searching for appropriate synonyms for the words that would fit the lyrics best - just an ordinary research which took me away from the outside world and made me forget about everything.

A sound of a pencil falling down the floor made me get back to reality. I remembered about MyungSoo, aish, how could I get so into work that I forgot about him?

“MyungSoo, I’m sorry, you must’ve been bored,” I glanced at my watch just to be hit on my face with a shocker that over two hours have already passed.

“That’s fine,” he murmured, “just looking at you work was fine. And KWill’s new song! I was present at the moment of making it”

“It’s a relief you say that”

“Next time, I’ll bring my headphones or a book with me,” he poked his tongue playfully making me laugh. But deep down inside I felt guilty. I took him with me to go through the obligatory duty smoothly. I like being next to him, I guess I would take him with me under any other circumstances, too. It’s just…He should know the truth. But I can’t tell him just now. Not yet. We just got to a new point in our lives. I’m happy. I don’t want him to look at me as if I really was a weirdo. What if he leaves me after he gets to know how…weird I am?

“Sungyeol?”

I heard his voice and came round to reality.

* * *

“Did he write the lyrics himself?”

MyungSoo was nestled comfortably on my sofa.

“TaeWoo? Uhm, I guess I forced some changes on him… I shouldn’t have done that, even after all that, it still doesn’t fully satisfy me...”

“Why? I think it was pretty decent tho”

“But decent is not the level I’m aiming at”

I felt his hand on my shoulders, massaging me encouragingly and I sighed.

“Hey, is there anything I could help you with?” I heard his soft voice in my ears.

I turned around to see him grinning. His smile was always contagious so I grinned back, “maybe there is”

He leaned to kiss me and refused to let go. His hands moving desperately under my t-shirt until he gets rid of it with one confident pull, his lips leaving hungry kisses on my skin, so rough and forceful I didn’t even notice when my back hit the floor as I was busy raking my fingers over his skin eliciting needy moans. I guess I ripped his shirt while taking it off him.

“Let it be, you are the only thing I care about now”

“Take me” I grunted before I realised what I said. A shiver of fear ran through my veins but other than that my body was burning; it was longing for him so much. “Fuck me, MyungSoo, I wanna see the stars”

“And you want me to show you?”

The time stopped, I swear the whole world stopped turning for a few seconds when our eyes met. It’s strange but deep there in his dark eyes I saw solicitude, I felt warmth. That warmth sipped into my heart and spread through my veins with every heartbeat. “Yes, you” I watch him snuggle into my hand on his cheek.

He literally threw me on the bed, undressed himself and helped me get rid of my skinny jeans before he crawled next to me.

He was grinning like crazy in between our kisses, his hands ravaging my hair, his lips and teeth drawing marks on my body leaving me breathless and moaning for more.

“Now MyungSoo, please I’m going to die, oh god, do me now”

He giggled and then moaned himself when my fingertips scratched his back aggressively. He pulled me on top of him. “We have to prepare you”

“No, I’m ready”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” his hand wandered in between my legs and I moved up a bit so that it’d be easier for him to reach my entrance.

My body’s natural reaction was to move back from the source of uncomfortable burning, my forehead resting on the mattress right next to his ear; it was stuffy, I could feel my breath turning into vapour plastering my hair to my face. His chest moving rhythmically under me. I clenched my teeth swallowing the sounds that were forcing their way on my lips, only little whimpers constantly escaped my mouth.

“It’s fine, Sungyeol, let it out, don’t suppress it”

I let the whole concert of sounds to reach his ear, which at one point, seemed so captivating I started sucking on it, my tongue wandered over the curves and his moans of pleasure were encouraging me to continue, it somehow distracted me from pain.

“Okay, Sungyeol I’m adding the last one”

I clenched my eyes and bit his ear so hard that I could feel his fingers quiver inside me. “I’m sorry” I breathed then he pulled his fingers out and I lifted my head to kiss him, my body yearned to be constantly connected with his.

“Oh, SungYeol, your flushed face,” he cupped my cheeks, “I want a picture of it,” and he kissed me roughly.

“Next time,” I was out of breath when I sat on my knees because he lifted himself and rested his body on his hands stretched back. I could feel his hardness brushing against mine and I felt dizzy, “Let me…” I was sucking on his neck, and moving lower…

“That’s right, suck on it, oh that’s good”

His bloated length felt so big in my mouth but I was doing my best, his little moans and his hand on my head – signs that I was doing it right – made me feel so aroused, I wanted to feel that pole in me now, I coated it well, the thick saliva was everywhere and I lifted my head up smiling at him to see him watching me with buttery face and his lower lip bitten till it’s white. “Damn SungYeol, just a little more…” he whispered.

“I’ll let you cum in my mouth next time,” I moved closer, his eyes were on me all the time just that when I mentioned him cumming in my mouth his pupils went a little wider. “For now just…”

I felt his member and placed it at my entrance, my other hand encircled around his neck, my whole body stuck to him as I lowered myself and force his tip to push through the tight ring of my muscles.

The adrenaline hit my head and I felt somehow confined in my own body, I wanted to explode, no I needed to explode “Oh god,” I grunted “Oh MyungSoo…you are so... big” I clenched onto him.

“Baby you wanna stop?” his hands encouragingly rubbing circles in my back

“Never”

“Come on, look at me”

When our eyes met again he brushed the went bangs off my forehead, “Let’s take it slow as it’s the first time.”

“But-“ he pecked me on the lips to make me stop before I was even able to start saying anything, then I saw his cute dimples while he smiles at me lovingly and, damn, how could I say no to him.

“Let’s call it a warm up” he laughed and this time it was me who shut his cocky mouth with a kiss.

Soon I was able to move, sitting position wasn’t the easiest so I quickly got tired and MyungSoo made a good use of his hips - he was doing me like a pro and he was so beautiful; the sounds he made were beautiful too and, believe it or not, I even got used to his length moving in and out of me and hell, this feeling was addictive. I was already worrying that at one point it will be over, I didn’t want that, I wish he could love me like this forever. Even before the end of the first one I was already looking forward to the second round.

“What’s so funny?” he asked among the deep rhythmical breaths.

“You’ve got the magic stick”

He started laughing, his hips stopped moving for a moment as he was laughing so much. He looked so cute but hot and I only begged him: “come on, love me more”

“Well, SungYeol, you’ll beg me to stop”

He slipped out of me and pushed me on the pillows, his face turned serious but his eyes still remained warm and hazy. My stomach tied in a knot, my muscles twitched as the adrenaline hit me like a rough wave hits the shore.

“turn around” he ordered and I obeyed. Something was telling me it’s going to hurt but a part of me was already looking forward to it.

He pulled my hips up; my breath was deep and loud when I felt the mattress behind me deforming under his knees.

“MyungSoo,” I called his name more for myself than for the sake of calling him, as if I wanted to ensure myself that it’s him, that he won’t hurt me. He won’t right? Damn, I guess it can really hurt if he goes overboard?

A kiss on my back calmed me down, it took less time than to blink when he was rocking his hips, moving deep inside me, making me choke on air while calling his name in ecstasy.

When he made a particular thrust I couldn’t help but let it all out, I was fighting for air, I couldn’t make it to catch my breath when another moan escaped my mouth.

“It’s there?” he asked and left me no time to think what he had on his mind when he did it again, and again, countlessly hitting my sweet spot making me standing on the verge of crying and laughing at the same time because, god, it felt so unbelievably good!

“I won’t make it much longer if you keep making those sounds,” he warned.

It’s a miracle I even heard him saying that as everything was too overwhelming.

“Cum, MyungSoo. Cum I beg you, if you go on like this I will, ah it feels so good,” I cried and when I felt his hand on my length pumping in perfect rhythm, ideal strength, even I myself wouldn’t do it better, I decided to give up, I just opened my mouth and let the moans gush continuously; I was moaning while breathing in and out to the point that I really couldn’t tell whether I was actually taking a breath in or out.

His moans mixed up with mine and it was perfect, everything was perfect, I was in heaven. I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t, his moves become more erratic and he stopped pumping on me for a while to focus on his climax. I knew he cummed inside me, the last thrust was especially forceful and then he just rode his high breathing out wonderfully while his hand made me come soon after and he fell on me lifelessly while I fell on the bed sheets.

We looked at each other. His sweaty face was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Mine, on the contrary, must have been a total mess but he refused to take his eyes off me. “You are the most handsome virgin whose innocence I took away,” he stroked my cheek, “I’ll cherish it well”

“MyungSoo…”

“What?”

“Are we… you know… “

“No, I don’t,” he grinned. That bastard!! Did he really not know or was he just playing with me?

“What are we?” I finally managed to ask nervously waiting for the answer.

“What do you want us to be?” his calm voice made me feel so warm, I started drawing circles on his chest:

“Just like from tonight on… I’ll be forever yours… I want you to be mine, too”

He looked at me surprised and I felt like a teenage girl, so embarrassed, but then he smiled warmly and his words made me the most content person in the world:

“Of course”

I came twice more that night, both of us were so dehydrated and so hungry and exhausted that we ordered takeaway and asked them to get us lots of water, while I was still on the phone Myungsoo went into weirdo mode:

“Red ginseng, red ginseng!” he shouted from behind me and laughed, I laughed too, before I ended the call.

“If they don’t deliver the food because of you then…”

“Then what?” he blinked his eyes fast.

“I’ll eat you”

He laughed again, “Think twice before you do that,” he pointed at his length and I rolled my eyes but then jumped into his arms.

“MyungSoo, let me show you something and tell me what you think, hm?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“It’s… my version of the song”

“What song?”

“The lyrics that TaeWoo wrote… I made my own version”

“Really? Show me!” he sat up and watched me expectantly. I handed him the piece of paper but as soon as he took it he gave it back, “Sing it”

“Me?” I pointed at myself

“Yeah!”

“B-but I don’t sing, I’m only a composer”

“Come on, do it for me”

I looked at him, then at the lyrics and scrunched.

“Come on,” he laughed, “Want me to do some aegyo?”

I waved my hands energetically, “No, if you do aegyo we might end up making love again and I’m too tired for it now”

“We will sooner or later,” he grinned and waggled his eyebrows at me which made me laugh

“Okay, I’ll sing it”

Once I finished I looked at him and couldn’t really tell his reaction. It was quiet for a while, too long a while for my liking.

“So?” I couldn't stand the silence any more.

“Back then I only heard the lyrics”

“I know, actually maybe I shouldn’t have sang the song for you…”

“...it kind of sounds as if KWill himself wrote this song”

“R-really?”

“Oh, trust me, after all, I’m his fan” he grinned

“So I should feel… proud?”

“Most definitely, damn it’s...it’s good SungYeol!” he grinned, “it’s way better than those man’s lyrics, there’s this _feel_ in it”

“You think so?” I tried not to smile but fail, well, I had MyungSoo in my mind while writing this, “SungKyu said I should show them my version”

“You definitely should”

“MyungSoo?”

“Oh?”

“Nothing,” I smiled. And he smiled back at me, probably thinking that I’m weird, but he’s already got used to it, so he just let it go.

The truth is that by mentioning SungKyu I remembered about my state, which I somehow forgot about because of MyungSoo’s presence. I’ll explain everything to him later.

***

We spent all day in bed, all day me his arms, he in mines, cuddling, talking, making love, pleasing each other and cuddling some more. And making love. Constantly making love with small pauses for food and bathroom. I was soared and tired but even his one look and I’ll happily let him fuck me again. But the weekend was almost over.

I was casually lying at his feet and looking at his beautiful face - wasn’t he tired? We hardly slept, I guess he just looks amazingly good in every life situation. I will miss him. “Will you stay for the night?”

“Want me to go for another night barely sleeping?”

“It’s better than longing”

“Aw really?”

“Yes, even if you go back home I guess I’ll end up driving to your place. Stay, please I’ll drive you to work tomorrow”

“Tsk,” and I knew he’d given up. My mouth ripped in a grin and I slowly crawled to kiss him (yeah I could’ve jumped but, yeah, sudden moves cause pain in certain areas.)

The fire awakened almost immediately I don’t know I guess his body must emit some kind of chemical substances that work like some kind of an aphrodisiac, I want him, and I feel how he wants me too. We went for spooning, I couldn’t really see him but it was nice to feel his breath on my back, on my nape and his hands on my chest and stomach before he finds my hand and our fingers intertwine.

His moves were fast and powerful, his hand squeezing mine hard. His breaths were loud but couldn’t drown out my moaning.

We both went still when a sound at the door announced that somebody had entered the password correctly.

“Yeollie?”

“Damn it, MyungSoo, I’m so close” I hissed and whimpered when he continued thrusting. I raised my shaking voice, “Hyuuung I will be there in a momeeent!”

I don’t know if he heard it in my voice (probably) or whatever but next moment there was music playing in the living room. MyungSoo painted out: “GyuGyu is so thoughtful… now moan for me,” he pushed in with such power that I screamed out of the feeling. MyungSoo’s hand on my mouth, muffling me while he literally rips me in half, damn.

“Like this, MyungSoo”

I helped myself to cum on the bed sheets, nobody minds - we’ll change it (if there’s the n-th spare one but after the amount we've ruined this weekend I’m in a slight doubt). He comes right after, singing that my muscles clenching around him is the best feeling in the world. We let ourselves calm down, foreheads connected, legs tangled listening to our heartbeats and the music coming out of the living room.

“Why did he come here at this hour?”

“Probably cuz my phone was turned off for the weekend”

“Ah hahaha”

“Come on, put on some clothes, I’ll introduce you”

“You must be kidding me”

“Why? You don’t want to?” My heart dropped heavily in my chest

“No, it’s that he just knows what we were doing maybe he even heard something... I’d feel embarrassed”

“No shit, come on” I grabbed him by the hand and we left the room.

SungKyu had a laughing seizure as soon as he saw us. “Fuck me, did you just spend the weekend in bed?”

“Does it show?” I grinned and walked up to greet him. “This is MyungSoo”

“Ah, so he’s the one who-“

“Whom I was talking about yes, yes” I quickly interrupted him worried that he might reveal too much about my state and about how MyungSoo makes me forget about synaesthesia that’s been with me for all my life.

SungKyu looked at me strangely and greeted _the sex machine_ then slapped me on the head.

“Ouch what’s that for?!”

“Your hyung came over here worrying because you didn’t care to charge your phone! Mate!” he added with a triumphant smile on his face and I grinned and sticked my tongue at him, “Told you it doesn’t work!” then I hugged MyungSoo tightly making him feel a little embarrassed,

“What’s not working?” he asked, all puzzed.

“Well-“ SungKyu opened his mouth and my heart skipped a beat.

“It’s just our inside joke, don’t pay attention to it,” I laughed it off. Sungkyu’s icy stare made me feel bad, I know I have to tell Myungsoo about everything, but I need to make sure first - to make sure that he understands. I can’t risk losing him, not even because of what the world is like when he’s around, but because… that my world is just a better place when he is around. In both ways. You know what I mean.


	11. the final chapter

And then it happened. In the worst possible way ever.

At the housewarming party, which finally took place (after sooo many months – oh how I wish I could turn back time and never throw this stupid party which eventually turned into a nightmare!) a drunk and stupid somebody, I don’t even remember who it was, had stupidly proposed to play the stupid game of truth or dare. And how all the stupid guests eagerly joined the game I can’t believe it!

Somehow it was MyungSoo’s turn to come up with a dare or question and he asked Sungkyu to explain the story behind the “mate” thing. And since Sungkyu didn’t approve of me not telling Myungsoo the truth from the very beginning, and since he didn’t want to lie to Myungsoo, he only looked at me and told _me_ to explain it.

Of course I couldn’t do it there and then but luckily WooHyun helped me to laugh it off and everything was fine, really fine until one moment some time later.

The moment when MyungSoo went to play some K.Will’s songs, SungKyu took me to the bedroom and, thanks to his moralising lecture on how I can’t live like this and constantly lie to my loved one, we had a row about it and exactly when I was explaining it to him that it’s not that easy to tell MyungSoo how he makes all the tastes disappear, at that very moment, MyungSoo walked in.

SungKyu looked as if he saw a ghost and when I turned around and saw _the expression_ on MyungSoo’s face then it goes without saying that running after him and begging him to listen was to no avail.

The last thing I saw was the cab door slamming in front of my face and MyungSoo went away.

MYUNGSO’S POINT OF VIEW

I examined the stinging welt on my wrist and pulled the rubber band just to snap it hard again. 

The irritated skin burned under the contact.

Just why isn’t this working?

I snapped it again, and again, pulling the rubber to its limits until it broke.

And I couldn’t stop my tears from falling.

“Why, Sungyeol? Why?”

No!

I can’t think about him! The sooner I forget, the better.

I looked for another rubber band in my drawer and place it around the same swollen spot on my wrist.

When I was a child and had a habit of biting my nails, my mother made me snap the rubber band whenever she saw me biting on my fingernails passionately. Back then it worked, I got over the bad habit but… why isn’t this helping now?

“HELP ME!” I cried at the top of my lungs and heard a knock at the door immediately after.

“Myungie is everything ok?”

“NO IT’S NOT OKAY! HOW CAN IT BE OKAY?! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

Still, she opened the door holding a tray with steaming rice which made me feel sick to the stomach. A painful expression painted on her face as she saw the untouched rice which she brought here yesterday evening.

“Baby, you should eat”

“I’m not hungry mom, don’t bring me any more food”

“MyungSoo it’s been three days”

“Oh, so it’s been three days already?”

Three days since I got to know the truth. Three. When I learned I was just a necessary item, a shelter for him to make his life easier. That’s why he needed me, that’s why he got interested in me in the first place!

I clenched my teeth.

Another selfish beast who used me remorselessly.

The tears started flowing and I lay down with my face pushed deep into the pillow.

He made me trust him! He made me fall for him to the point I couldn’t breathe without him! Wow, what a perfect scenario for him, bravo.

I felt her hand on my arm. I wanted her to go away but I didn’t have heart and energy to tell her that. Like a miracle, her telephone rang in another room. “Try to sleep baby, I’ll make you your favourite Soondubu jjigae”

Soondubu jjigae.

The grief hit me with double force when I remembered how SungYeol devoured it when I made it for him.

After all this time of being wary of people you came and made me believe that you’re different. I should never have trusted in you. I will never get close to anyone again!

END OF MYUNGSOO’S POINT OF VIEW

**

I picked up the phone without uttering a word. After a few seconds SungKyu’s voice broke the silence.

“Hello?”

“…”

“Sungyeol, talk to me or I’ll come to your place”

“Don’t”

“I think I know where MyungSoo is”

“What? You do? Where is he? Tell me!!” I stood up, my heart was racing, “I need to explain everything to him!!!”

“I know, calm down”

“Don’t tell me to calm down! I’ve been suffocating this whole time! Let me breathe, man! I need to see him, you don’t understand”

“But please drive carefully, and Sungyeol-“

“What?”

“It’s his mother’s place, please try looking decent, take a shower before you leave”

“I will”

“You won’t, I know you, you’ll run there as soon as you get the address”

“No, SungKyu, I failed, I have to make the best effort to fix it”

“Okay, I understand, I’ll send you a text right after we hang up”

“Thank you, hyung”

“Good luck”

I got the address! A part of me really wanted to rush there and see him already but first things come first. MyungSoo is first. No, I have to make myself presentable.

Around an hour later I was driving out of Seoul with the biggest basket of fruit I could find. The sky was getting dark although it was early afternoon; a strange feeling wouldn’t leave the pit of my stomach.

By the time I reached the destination, it was raining slightly but what concerned me the most was the brooding sound of thunders that could be heard from afar.

His mother was living in the outskirts of Daegu, in a small house near a forest. The lights were turned on. There was no notice of a dog or anything so I pushed the gate and soon was knocking at the wooden door.

“MyungSooya why are you-“ she opened the door and held still in surprise: “who are you?”

_She had a golden aura._

Of course she would! She’s MyungSoo’s mother, right? Only the most beautiful person would have given birth to him.

“Hello, I’m SungYeol. I’m MyungSoo’s… friend. I heard he’s been staying with you?”

“Sung…? Perhaps, is it you who called me a few hours ago?”

“No, but that man was my friend. Is… is MyungSoo home?” my heart was racing. I was so close yet so far away from the love of my life.

She frowned, “No, he’s gone out to the forest.” She looked at the narrow path in between the trees leading into the heart of the said forest.

“In the forest? But- but the storm is about to start-” I covered my mouth and looked at the sky trying to assess how much time is left until it starts. MyungSoo is afraid of the storm. He can’t found himself alone in the forest then.

“You know?” she looked at me surprised. Without me noticing it out loud she understood that I know about MyungSoo’s fears.

“Yes. Maybe I should go look for him”

“No…” she grabbed me by the wrist preventing me from walking towards the path leading into the forest, “…he knows the forest well. If you go there, you will only get lost”

“But he’s alone, what if he’s scared now-”

“Oh look, there he is! MyungSooya!” she waved her arm at him and I turned my head immediately. He was running here, all wet because of the rain but when he saw me he froze.

He was beautiful. Awfully sad and with his eyes puffed. How could I be so careless not telling him the truth first? How could I make him suffer because of something so trivial?

Stinging tears pierced my eyes.

“MyungSoo” I whispered.

He walked up in a quick pace and throw me a cold stare, “What are you doing here? How did you find this place?”

“MyungSoo… we need to talk,” I took a step forward

“I have nothing to talk to you about, get out of here I don’t want to see you!” - he moves away from me, which hurts so much. I tried hard to overpower my soaring muscles not to form a grimace of pain and utter disappointment on my face.

“MyungSoo! Why are you so rude?!” His mother hit his arm with reproach

“Mom we are going inside, why are you even talking to strangers”

“MyungSoo wait,” I grabbed his wrist and he hissed and snatched it from my grip. I only managed to see a little but that was enough to know something was wrong.

“What happened to your wrist?” I really got scared this time.

“Not your business”

I thought my heart was going to break into million pieces. His eyes were so red and puffy, his wrist was hurt and his cold tone - it was even coder then when I met him for the first time. “I can’t believe you have enough guts to come here find me here”

“MyungSoo please, let me explain”

“Get out!”

“I’m not going anywhere without you” I announced confidently and finally our eyes meet. There was no trace of the familiar warmth in his eyes. Just like in the beginning there’s nothing but pain, grief and hurt.

“Goodbye SungYeol.”

And he closed the door at my face.

“I know you didn’t mean it! But as opposed to you I mean what I say! I’m not leaving without you!!!” I shouted at the closed door.

The small drizzle turned into rain, and soon it was pouring. I got soaked, the water dripping down from my hair onto my face obstructed the view so I just pulled my hair back.

My shoes were ruined, it felt as if I was standing in two puddles; the strong wind smacking my wet arms and calves was making me shiver. I clenched my jaw. _I’m not leaving without you._

Maybe not eating and hardly sleeping for the past days wasn’t the wisest idea; my knees were quickly getting weak and the cold was getting unbearable. On top of that, the thunders and the lightings appeared out of nowhere and it didn’t make being outside pleasant at all.

I had to rest for a moment, it was stronger than me. The wet, muddy ground was calling me and I couldn’t resist it. Ah, to lie here would be ideal but for the time being I just kneeled down, my eyes were heavy.

MyungSoo, I just hope you don’t see this, please stay hidden under the blanket.

***

Something wonderfully cool touched my forehead and I opened my eyes. “MyungSoo?”

“No Honey, are you up? Will you eat something? I’ll bring the stew”

She walked away and I saw him glancing at me from above the magazine. When our eyes met he quickly averted his gaze back to the paper, “Tsk” I smiled faintly and heard my own weak voice, “You’re holding it upside down.”

He folded the paper and put it on the table all red on his face. Then his mother came brining the wonderful smell of Soondubu jjigae with her. My stomach rumbled. I wanted to lift myself up but my body refused to cooperate. I only whimpered. I’m not here to look pathetic! Damn it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll feed you. Just say ah” she was aiming a spoonful at my mouth

“Has…Myungsoo eaten?” I only managed to ask through my clenched throat.

“He’s so stubborn, he hasn’t eaten for days”

“I’m sorry, but I’m not eating until he eats first”

She put the spoon back into the bowl resigned and called her son.

“MyungSooya”

“I’m not hungry,” he answered before she was even able to start the question.

She rolled her eyes and walked up to him, pushed the bowl into his hands: “It’s your friend, you feed him” and just like that, she left murmuring something about fools.

He sighed and slumped at the bed “Eat it while it’s warm, you were staying in the rain for too long”

“You go first”

“Sungyeol”

“I want to make sure that it’s not poisoned”

He failed to keep a straight face.

At least I could make him smile.

He rolled his eyes and took the first spoonful. “Satisfied?”

I opened my mouth so that he could feed me. The stew was so nice; the warmth started quickly spreading all over my body. I refused it again and watched him eat and then he fed me the next spoon.

I was reminded of the first time I ate at his place. Wasn’t that the same stew? His tasted better, thougg, maybe because this one is eaten in such gloomy circumstances.

Suddenly, I couldn’t stop the tears “I’m sorry MyungSoo”

“Don’t you think it’s a little too late?”

“Please, let me explain! I was afraid to tell you, because I knew things would end up this way, I was trying to avoid it”

“…”

“Go ask SungKyu! I told him only after we’ve known each other for years!!”

“But SungKyu was different… from me, wasn’t he?”

“But this is not important MyungSoo! I lived with it my whole life, I got used to it! It’s not because you make it disappear! It’s because...it’s you”

“SungYeol. You should’ve told me! Did you think that it would make a difference? If I could, I would still go with you to those stupid meetings to make you feel better! I would! But the way you hid things, do you know how it made me feel? After all I told you, after other people using me, playing with me, I thought you’d have known better”

“You have no idea how much I regret not telling you earlier...”

“You can’t turn back time now”

“But I can make it up for you! Please, I will never hurt you again! I will protect you until the end, please MyungSoo nobody ever made me feel the way you do”

“…”

“Ah! I’m not talking about my stupid condition, please MyungSoo, you have to believe me”

“Sungyeol, just give me one, only one good reason why I should give you another chance? One. Because I really can’t see any”

“I…I love you”

Dear God. I felt so light-hearted. It made my chest rage with emotions. I felt my cheeks burning and I’m sure the fever wasn’t the cause for this.

“I love you MyungSoo, you are my air, you are the reason why I want to live”

“SungYeol, how do I know-“

“Do you remember the lyrics I wrote?”

“Huh?”

“The ones for the song! You told me they had a feel in it! I wrote them after we parted ways in front of SungKyu’s flat! I wrote it thinking about you! I was afraid to push, I didn’t want to scare you, I was afraid of my own feelings myself… and then I came to your apartment - that night was when we kissed for the first time! Because it was then that I realised how I felt about you and… oh! For a confirmation - they chose my lyrics! They found it authentic, they found the emotions there!”

“Your first lyrics were about me?”

“About my first and last real love, yes, you”

He turned his head, pursing his lips. With every passing second of silence my chest was getting more heavy with anticipation.

“I-“ he started

“MyungSoo, before you say anything just let me prove it one last time”

My hand found its way to his cheek to prevent him from looking away when I moved closer to close the gap between us. It was as if my congested veins dilated and the blood could run through my body again, delivering precious oxygen to the smallest parts of my body. I felt alive again and dear lord, please let me feel this way for the rest of my life.

Our dry lips refused to part but finally, I had to move away.

I saw him rubbing his forearm getting rid of goosebumps. His eyes were still closed. He didn’t push me away. When he opened his eyes I couldn’t contain my grin. I saw a faint trace of warmth there.

“I will make you feel this way every day if only you-“

“Shut up”

He pulled me closer and returned the kiss.

.

.

.

Some people say that love tastes sweet.

Others argue it’s bitter.

My love was tasteless but to be honest, that was the best taste I could dream of.


End file.
